The View Up Here

It's been quite a week. Had the flu last week, missed a lot, had to catch up. This week had its own challenges, and I found myself again tossed and rolled in the rapids. I don't mean to sound like a drama queen, but the only word for how I was reacting to the events of the week was "suffering." I've been praying for months to learn how to suffer. Because we know that this world is not perfect, we know that we can expect a certain amount of suffering. But what do we do with that suffering? Do we simply bitch and moan? Cause that's what I usually do! Admit it...how many of us complain, whine, have a couple drinks at the end of the day because "today was too much" or "my life sucks" or "why is this (insert bad thing) happening to me?" The human condition, right? Doesn't matter who you are, how much you own, who is in your family, where you live, what language you speak, who you pray to (or if you pray), or how much you plan. Th...

At long last, I've finished something.  Happy Valentines Day!

Kind of like the commercials with the buff dude who says "I'm on a horse," only I'm not buff, nor a dude, and the metaphor I'm working with is locomotive, not equestrian. I'll get around to explaining this, don't worry. Time to get real:  I've been having a hard time in the last few weeks. I've been feeling pretty ragged, emotionally, spiritually, physically. I'm working two jobs, driving 200 miles a week to and from said jobs, and trying to coax all the moving parts of my life to work in harmony (financial parts, discernment parts, writing parts, teaching parts, etc.). It's a lot. And I miss my sweet little Spaz kitteh, who's been gone almost two months, now.  I'm better off than I was last year, because I'm doing things that I love, but I've still been obsessed with the gaping maw of "what am I really doing with my life?" It is, after all, a journey of discernment. And it's a sacred journey, as the subtit...

On the wave of exactly the same theme of my last few days, I found this quote on my Facebook feed this morning from Fr. James Martin : "For me to be a saint means to be myself. Therefore the problem of sanctity and salvation is in fact the problem of finding out who I am and of discovering my true self."   -- Thomas Merton Thomas Merton was an American monk, mystic, poet, artist, teacher, and inter-religious dialoguer before it was a cool thing to do. Today would've been his 99th birthday.  I haven't spent an enormous amount of time reading the 20th century greats of theology and spiritual writing (Merton and de Chardin, mainly), though I've read smatterings of both. One of the ideas that resurfaces in both of their work seems to be this notion of living into the self that God made each of us to be. That requires discernment, self-knowledge, and humility. This is really the process I've stepped into  these last couple of years, led by the Holy Spirit....

Y esterday, I had a minor meltdown.  It really did feel like the devil was having a swipe at my faith.  To avoid boring you with details about my anxious mind on safari, I will simply state what I gleaned from the experience: We're all on unique paths to wholeness and the fullest expression of God's gifts manifested in our lives. Avoid comparing your path with anyone else's, or to the cultural "norm" that literally means nothing. Doing so will only lead to hopelessness and a broken spirit. God alone suffices (St. Teresa of Avila) I really AM cherished and nourished by God! How about that? I cherish the life God is giving me now, and I release my attachment to any notion of 'future' that takes me away from living that life to the fullest in Christ Jesus.  I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me; and the life  which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave...

I've asked the question "Why did Yeshua have to be baptized?" We know He was sinless, so John (Yochanan) the Baptist's call for sinners to repent and be baptized doesn't seem like it would apply to the Messiah, right?  Did this moment when God's echo "You are my son, the beloved; in you I am well pleased" (Mark 1:11 NRSVCE) merely function as a formal green light to begin His ministry?  I have come to the belief that Yeshua, too, needed to be ushered onto his journey just like we do. It was time to leave the comfort of the world He knew - the world of family, work and daily routines - to begin His real mission. And maybe He didn't fully understand the purpose or the pattern of that mission until the Holy Spirit descended upon Him. It was right after that that the Spirit led Him into the desert to be tested - tempted by fear to grasp at power , just as we are tempted every moment of our lives. And He passed that test, thus inaugurating H...

The other day I was laughing at myself for "pulling an Elsie," which is what I call doing something that was typical of my mother, Elsie. I had to go search for a half-empty cup of coffee that I'd left in the bedroom (which was by now cold), after realizing I'd poured it, consumed half of it, and then left it somewhere. Viceroy gives you all the cancer, all the time The only difference between Elsie and me is that she would have two or three of these half-empty cold cups of coffee strewn in various rooms of the house, and they were always accompanied by an ashtray with an abandoned Viceroy cigarette butt that had burned to ash all the way down to the filter. (Mind you, she quit smoking in 1983, so these are memories from that glorious decade, the '70s). I'm like my mother in other ways, too. Ways that are less humorous. I try to control things. I worry. A lot. Just like Elsie did. Worry consumes me, eats me alive if I let it. I get irritable, desperat...