The View Up Here

As 2015 comes to a close, I remember the joys, not the sorrows. I recall the unexpected blessings, not the disappointments.  I hold in my heart the sunrises over the Wasatch Mountains, the gift of the computer I'm typing on, my new friends in Utah whom I love, my old friends in New York and Massachusetts who have taught me lessons and supported me. I give thanks for the beauty of the ocean at sunrise here at Nantasket Beach where I stayed last night. I am exceedingly grateful for the foundation grant which will assist me in my student loan payments while I am in formation once I enter a religious community. I choose to focus on these blessings, not on the discomfort I may feel in the uncertainty of my future, my current lack of a "home of my own," and other factors.  Disappointments, discomfort and disarray are a part of life. There is nothing any of us can do to avoid this truth. The Buddha Dharma teaches that "Suffering exists." As a Catholic, I ac...

Yesterday I did something I haven't done in years: willingly and of my own accord, I went to church. I've been craving a spiritual community for some time, now, and while there are Buddhist centers here in L.A., I realized I wanted something a bit more focused. And I've realized that while being Buddhist has made me a better person, by far, the things I've learned through that practice really fit in quite nicely with what Jesus taught - love one another, commit acts of compassion, respect yourself, recognize that we are all the same (seeking wholeness). In fact, my understanding of things like kleshas (strong emotions that pull us toward and away from pleasure and suffering - aka clinging and aversion which drive our actions that obscure our innate Buddha essence) help the concept of original sin make sooo much more sense than biting into an ancient apple and blaming it on the woman (yes, I know it's an allegory, but it never worked for me). So what was I saying?...

After returning from my recon mission to L.A., I slid into a definite slump. Feeling scared and alone and unsure of myself. Ithaca's weather didn't help, I guarantee you that. It was overwhelming to return to the life here that I am in the process of closing out, knowing that I still have much to do before I move to L.A. on January 5th. I haven't blogged about this before, but part of this move is about separating from my husband. We've been married for six and a half years, but it's time for both of us to move on. I won't get into specifics and dirty laundry, because I am not into public drama, but I will say that while I am grieving the end of this chapter in my life, I am bursting out of my skin with anticipation for the next chapter. The one I'm creating on my own, rooted in my dreams and my desires. Here's what's amazing about all this: I'm making this very big move, knowing that I might fail, but also knowing that I may succeed beyond my w...