The View Up Here

But another sun, that's brighter still, It's my own sun (English translation, O sole mio) The time has come, at last, for me to stop wondering what happened to my hopes and dreams and start living them, by the light of my own sun (so to speak). Thus, toward the end of September, I'll be heading to L.A. (land of sunshine and broken shining dreams) to find a job and work in the industry I've been dying to get into for many years. Is it scary? I'm crapping my pants a little. Is it exciting? I'm still cleaning up the crappy pants, but yes. This is the future I've always been afraid to chase down. I remember very clearly after finishing my MFA in film how I watched many of my colleagues and classmates head out to L.A. That was a few years ago, and most of them have careers they love. Don't get me wrong - I enjoy teaching - but I need to stop hiding behind the podium. I've also recently become reacquainted with aspects of my past self (th...

Tonight I get to rock the Ithaca League of Women Rollers penalty box with Grief Eriksen and Bonnie n Slyde. If you're in the Ithaca area, come out for some after dark derby action!

I really wish my house were clean right now. But I don’t have the energy or the stomach to clean it. This is my perpetual dissonance. Wanting a clean apartment – wall-to-wall carpeting vacuumed, kitchen floor swept and mopped, dishes washed, counter tops cleared and spotless, cupboards organized and easy to access, furniture dusted, cobwebs whisked away, laundry folded and put away, winter turtlenecks and sweaters swapped for spring tops and summer shorts in the dressers, kitty litter changed, garbage all collected and tossed into the dumpster, patio swept, bathroom swept, mopped, scrubbed, disinfected, polished, bed linens changed, windows cleaned, desks organized, books rearranged. Now really – would I expect anyone to do that in one day? Of course not. But do I feel like shit because I can’t do it in one day? Naturally! I think I have this superhero image of my mother in the eyes of a six-year-old doing all this work in one day. Saturday, to be exact. The day that eve...

Lately I've been paying attention to dreams, and by that I don't mean lifelong aspirations and goals (although I've certainly been paying more attention to those, too, but that's another post). Rather, I mean the wanderings of the mind in the depths of sleep where the subconscious rules and the conscious mind takes a back seat. I used to keep a dream journal a few years ago, but eventually stopped for one reason or another. I found that notebook about a month ago, and decided it was time to get back to that practice. Right after the last full moon, I began having very detailed, even narrative dreams. At least one of them has a screenplay in the making, I'm sure of it. I also began having dreams driven by that part of me that might be termed "intuition" or "Higher Self" or maybe even my "Spirit Guide." Whatever. One of these intuitive dreams was rather gruesome and had to do with chickens and ovens. That's all I'll say, because...