The View Up Here

I haven't blogged here at all in the last year because I've been over on my  Korea Dreambus: A Journey of Faith blog . As I stare into the last two hours and twenty minutes of 2025, I'm filled with gratitude and amazement. This past year has brought so many new beginnings and opportunities that I need to mark them down in one place. I am extremely fortunate to have been awarded grant money from the Genesee Valley Council on the Arts for my documentary film on my pilgrimage to the holy sites of the Korean Catholic Martyrs. Korea Dreambus is now just about done with a few minor edits and some sound work to go. I worked with two different editors, which was a challenge but which ultimately enriched the project. My public screening will be held on Jan. 17, 2026 at St. Bernard's School of Theology and Ministry.   We screened SOULED , my short film, in April of this year in Elmira. It was a great turnout, and I was so excited to finally share it. The film was a se...

In recent years, I've approached Advent at a breakneck speed, hyper-aware that I'm supposed to "do Advent" before I "do Christmas." The years I spent teaching and working for parishes were the ones I felt the most disconnected from Advent, ironically, because I was so busy preparing Advent liturgies, crafts, and activities that I missed out on the prayerful, silent, wintry season leading up to Christmas. (And let's not forget the excitement and stress of hurling myself across the NYS Thruway/MASS Pike every December to be home with my family.) The Moon getting ready for Advent (taken over my house this morning) The focus of Advent is to prepare for Christ in his Second Coming as well as commemorating the coming of the Second Person of the Trinity into Earth's history.  The liturgical season of Advent begins four Sundays before Christmas, and this year, it starts on Dec. 3, which means the Fourth Sunday of Advent falls on Christmas Eve, Dec. 24. In es...

After so much neglect, it was time to spruce up ye olde blog. I'm certainly not the same as I was several years ago when I began blogging. So much has changed - all for the good - so why not visually express that here?  The color families are among my favorites:  retro-ish ocean blue-green and cranberry. I took the photo in the header a couple years ago at Nantasket Beach in Hull, MA, close to where I grew up.  I will be blogging more about my practice of Tai Chi, experience with prayer, thoughts about living out my faith, and other delights such as film reviews and the occasional socio-cultural commentary. That's all for now. Cheerio.

2020 was the year that stretched and formed me more than any other in recent memory, and I'm not talking about the Covid. Last August, I started teaching full time at a small Catholic, Classical school in Rochester. While I love my work and my students, the 50-55 hours a week are grinding me into a pulp. No brain matter for anything else, really. It has forced me, though, to be attentive to how I spend the time I have outside of work. Prayer is my priority - resting in His Love and praying the Liturgy of the Hours. I'm back to reading akshual books, which is a great gift of itself. Current read:  A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken. But 2020 left me an orphan. After a year's struggle with gastric cancer, my brother Patrick passed into eternity on Nov. 27. Yes, the man who'd spent years in retail died on Black Friday. I can't help but think that was no coincidence.  Thankfully, we his family were with him during his last week. It was far more grueling than what I wen...

So many months have passed since I took to this blog. Here's a sweeping update: started new job at the new parish in a new town moved into a sweet studio with a giant back yard, functional if small kitchen, attached garage, lovely neighbors/landlords finished revised draft of Black Doves; it's with the publisher now. Hoping for publication this year. finished short story "Working Man"  started writing other short stories that will be collected together in a self-published work at some point in the future Sadly, I must also report that my brother Patrick was diagnosed with stage III stomach cancer just before Christmas. I am asking the Lord to open doors for me to move there -- yes even though I just moved here. It's time to go home. I need my family, and my family needs me. I've already blown through all my PTO and I don't have the money to keep schlepping back to the South Shore on long weekends. By the way, my new profile pic is of him and m...

I've been offline quite a bit this year. Another year of changes, as it has turned out. The big change is that I was invited to interview for an open Director of Faith Formation position at a parish two hours north of Elmira, in Macedon, NY, and I was offered the job. I accepted, but it meant a 3-week turn around on a move. Whew! That's not the fastest bug-out I've ever done - two weeks from interview to start date is my record (for the job at Cornell in 2005, NYS Move #2, incidentally). Because God is in the details, I have friends from college who live in Palmyra (next door to Macedon) in a giant 1800s farmhouse they've renovated over the last 20 years, and they invited me to stay with them while I looked for an apartment. I moved in on August 1st, started my job August 5th, and tomorrow, September 6th, I'll move into my new apartment just up Rte. 31. How wonderful! But really, moving, AGAIN. The older I get, the harder it is to move. God certainly keeps me o...

The answer, of course, is yes. Everyone around me seems so relieved that summer is over and can't wait for fall to look like fall. Not me. I barely noticed the summer months because I was immersed in discernment, decision making, and moving. I tried to move to Massachusetts, but interviews and trips out there notwithstanding, it didn't happen. In fact, I wasted a whole lotta time worrying about that. As if... as if Jesus weren't right here, as if God doesn't have a plan for me, as if he's not guiding me. I am sometimes haunted by the past, which as we know, doesn't exist. What God has forgiven, what right have we to keep dredging up? Renounce it and stay with God in the sacrament of the now. Ultimately, I made my peace with staying where I am with the parish in Elmira, but I did end up moving apartments (not without some drama involving mice, a parking ticket, and random weirdness in my new neighborhood - but that's for another post!). In June I mad...

I am waiting in the silence for Messiah, the One who saves, the One who is Love, to come into my heart. Ah! He is already here, yet He seeks even more of my heart.  This Advent I was wracked with mono (since October) as well as stomach flu (last weekend). At first I was angry: how unfair, why did this happen to me, why now? I was planning to go "home" to be with family on the South Shore of Boston for Christmas as usual, and as usual, the hype and stress of getting everything done before I hit the road for a 7 hour drive to stay at other people's houses (even people I love) was starting to ramp up. To give you an idea of how this feels: One night in the midst of stomach flu ickiness earlier this week, I was awake, sweating, feeling so horrible I almost felt out of my body. And that's where I met Jesus. "Accept everything." That's what my spiritual director had said in his voice mail message that morning. "Jesus I trust in You." It...

I just finished a marvelous week with my family in Massachusetts and would be feeling refreshed if I weren't so tired. Actually, I do feel refreshed. My mind is clear and my spirit is refreshed, even if I need to go to bed earlier than my grand nephews' and grand niece's bedtime. However, I feel the need to blog since a couple things hit me during the past week that deserve airing. A close family member of mine is asking the tough questions about God, including, "If he's all-loving, why does God allow suffering of innocents?" The question was asked not as a philosophical exercise, but with righteous anger. Appropriately so. We should be angry at injustice and suffering. If we're not, we need to take Human lessons. Tonight as I was washing dishes in a daze, the answer rose up in my mind in a phrase: God allows suffering so that we can love. Allow me to 'splain. God has given humanity free will to either love each other or hurt each other. Thro...

Normally around this time, I do a wrap up of the year in my own life and estimation. Although I don't remember if I did one last year. Anyway, I'm resuming the tradition.  After spending the Christmas holiday with my family, I arrived home last night to find a pile of Christmas cards awaiting me in the mail box. I had anticipated this and was delighted to open cards from friends and family in other states as well as right here in Elmira. What I wasn't prepared for was a letter tucked into a card from my friend Fr. David, a Trappist in Utah. His letter held some sad news, including the death of their Guestmaster, lay brother Michael. Michael was my first contact at Holy Trinity Abbey, where I spent many a retreat weekend during my year in Salt Lake City, and we had quickly become friends. I will always remember his New Jersey baritone, "We all love you, honey. We're praying for you."  So last night after doing laundry and watering my plants, I made my ...

As 2015 comes to a close, I remember the joys, not the sorrows. I recall the unexpected blessings, not the disappointments.  I hold in my heart the sunrises over the Wasatch Mountains, the gift of the computer I'm typing on, my new friends in Utah whom I love, my old friends in New York and Massachusetts who have taught me lessons and supported me. I give thanks for the beauty of the ocean at sunrise here at Nantasket Beach where I stayed last night. I am exceedingly grateful for the foundation grant which will assist me in my student loan payments while I am in formation once I enter a religious community. I choose to focus on these blessings, not on the discomfort I may feel in the uncertainty of my future, my current lack of a "home of my own," and other factors.  Disappointments, discomfort and disarray are a part of life. There is nothing any of us can do to avoid this truth. The Buddha Dharma teaches that "Suffering exists." As a Catholic, I ac...

This Christmas and New Year's Eve, I am spending time with family and old friends in Massachusetts. I'm always happy to return to the place where I grew up, enjoy the holidays with loved ones, and worship in the very church where I received my First Holy Communion.  Fr. Jim's homily at Christmas yesterday was short on time but long on meaning. The closing of his homily was an encouragement to hang on to Jesus as an anchor . I love this analogy, as so often it does feel like we are tossed around by big waves, storms, wind, and the uncertainties of where we are going.  From the Catholic News Agency , quoting Pope Francis in his Christmas homily: ...the Pope asked that we open our hearts to receive the grace offered on Christmas Day, “which is Christ himself.” Jesus, he said, “is the radiant day which has dawned on the horizon of humanity. A day of mercy , in which God our Father has revealed his great tenderness to the entire world. A day of light, which dispels...

Over the past few months, I've had many interactions with friends of mine that go way back - 20, 25, even 35 years - and they have asked some very good questions about this whole "discerning a vocation" business. I also picked up that a few of them had some concerns, which is a natural reaction, I think, if the process and the spiritual life inherent in the process is unfamiliar to them. Not to mention the actual concept of monastic or religious life. And for some, me returning to the Catholic faith and wanting to live a life within that context has been troubling. With all this in mind, I figured it might be good to do an FAQ.  Please click on the links I've provided for more info on specific topics and experiences. If you have any other questions, please send me a comment. Thanks for reading! 1.   I have been discerning a religious vocation (to become a sister or a nun) for almost four years, now. In that time, I have met with several and very different re...

As it so happens, gentle readers, I am home from work after having my first root canal surgery, and I am taking some pretty good pain killers, so forgive me if my thoughts stray here. OTC ibuprofen doesn't seem to be enough to do the job, so 800 mg combined with acetaminophen and hydrocodone are in effect. As you can see, there have been some changes here - most notably my old domain "fred in the can" is gone. Time to put that one to rest; I've been using it with my films and writing since the mid-90s. The View Up Here is appropriate in more ways than one. I am living my life in a different way, from a different place, the Heart of Christ, plus I'm now living in Utah, which as the license plate boasts, is where one can live "life elevated." But, as most of you know, I prefer life at sea level. My visit home to Massachusetts for Christmas and New Year's was glorious. I was able to spend time with my family, and I had some time for discer...

Life in a new city, a new job, a new home - all of this and more have kept me occupied and not blogging. The third week of Advent is well under way, and in a week's time, I'll be on a plane headed to the Land Where I Was Birthed for Christmas and New Year's Eve. Not only will I be visiting my dear family and friends, I will also be continuing my discernment by staying overnight at the Carmel in Concord, NH , and visiting with the Poor Clares of Boston , located in Jamaica Plain. (Incidentally, Jamaica Plain is where my parents first settled when they moved from Elmira, NY to Boston back in the early '50s.) A few words on the full-time job I've held since August - I'm the Office Manager for Mt. Calvary Catholic Cemetery in Salt Lake City, UT, working for the Catholic Diocese of SLC. Certainly not rocket science, but definitely a ministry - in more ways than I would've thought. I've come to see and know a deeper vein of human experience and suffering...