The View Up Here

On the wave of exactly the same theme of my last few days, I found this quote on my Facebook feed this morning from Fr. James Martin : "For me to be a saint means to be myself. Therefore the problem of sanctity and salvation is in fact the problem of finding out who I am and of discovering my true self."   -- Thomas Merton Thomas Merton was an American monk, mystic, poet, artist, teacher, and inter-religious dialoguer before it was a cool thing to do. Today would've been his 99th birthday.  I haven't spent an enormous amount of time reading the 20th century greats of theology and spiritual writing (Merton and de Chardin, mainly), though I've read smatterings of both. One of the ideas that resurfaces in both of their work seems to be this notion of living into the self that God made each of us to be. That requires discernment, self-knowledge, and humility. This is really the process I've stepped into  these last couple of years, led by the Holy Spirit....

Y esterday, I had a minor meltdown.  It really did feel like the devil was having a swipe at my faith.  To avoid boring you with details about my anxious mind on safari, I will simply state what I gleaned from the experience: We're all on unique paths to wholeness and the fullest expression of God's gifts manifested in our lives. Avoid comparing your path with anyone else's, or to the cultural "norm" that literally means nothing. Doing so will only lead to hopelessness and a broken spirit. God alone suffices (St. Teresa of Avila) I really AM cherished and nourished by God! How about that? I cherish the life God is giving me now, and I release my attachment to any notion of 'future' that takes me away from living that life to the fullest in Christ Jesus.  I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me; and the life  which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave...

I've asked the question "Why did Yeshua have to be baptized?" We know He was sinless, so John (Yochanan) the Baptist's call for sinners to repent and be baptized doesn't seem like it would apply to the Messiah, right?  Did this moment when God's echo "You are my son, the beloved; in you I am well pleased" (Mark 1:11 NRSVCE) merely function as a formal green light to begin His ministry?  I have come to the belief that Yeshua, too, needed to be ushered onto his journey just like we do. It was time to leave the comfort of the world He knew - the world of family, work and daily routines - to begin His real mission. And maybe He didn't fully understand the purpose or the pattern of that mission until the Holy Spirit descended upon Him. It was right after that that the Spirit led Him into the desert to be tested - tempted by fear to grasp at power , just as we are tempted every moment of our lives. And He passed that test, thus inaugurating H...

The other day I was laughing at myself for "pulling an Elsie," which is what I call doing something that was typical of my mother, Elsie. I had to go search for a half-empty cup of coffee that I'd left in the bedroom (which was by now cold), after realizing I'd poured it, consumed half of it, and then left it somewhere. Viceroy gives you all the cancer, all the time The only difference between Elsie and me is that she would have two or three of these half-empty cold cups of coffee strewn in various rooms of the house, and they were always accompanied by an ashtray with an abandoned Viceroy cigarette butt that had burned to ash all the way down to the filter. (Mind you, she quit smoking in 1983, so these are memories from that glorious decade, the '70s). I'm like my mother in other ways, too. Ways that are less humorous. I try to control things. I worry. A lot. Just like Elsie did. Worry consumes me, eats me alive if I let it. I get irritable, desperat...

During my six days off at Thanksgiving break this past year, I realized how stressed out I was at the administrative job (I had already given my notice, but it really hit home that I'd made the right decision). One of the things that happened during that time was that I started writing furiously, again. Then I happened to find a competition at a local church called "Poetry Alive Word, Art and Film Festival," so I had a brain wave to make a short film meditation. Mind you, I haven't made anything remotely like a film in a very long time. The Korea Dreambus! project stalled (no pun intended) a few years ago, but maybe after I've proven to myself that I can still make a film, I can get back to that with renewed vision and get 'er done. Anyway, so the short film meditation is called "Desire of the Everlasting Hills" (or "Desire" for short on my hard drive in which the current rough cut is called "Ruff Ruff Desire"). I've lifted ...

I realize, of course, that I am lamentably behind in blogging. However, it is a new year, and there are new situations and dispositions in my life that will hopefully help me to be more prolific here. I usually wrap up the old year before delving into my hopes for the new year, so here we go: 2013 Our Lady of Mt. Carmel Last year was very much about letting go of the illusion of control and surrendering completely to God.  It was also about recognizing that my charism is Carmelite , marked by simplicity. Sometimes God closes doors to open a new portal for us to walk through; other times, He asks us to close the door ourselves so that we are free to walk through the next door He has already opened for us. In April, I was not hired back for the permanent position at Ithaca College Los Angeles, but the very next month, I was offered a job as an administrative assistant for a Catholic high school. In July, my father-in-law passed away, and that very same week, my divorce was...