Discernment

This weekend, I will be staying with the Carmelites of San Diego for my third visit. I am still feeling this calling, but I also hear other "voices"... should I be a teacher? how much should I invest in having a writing career? I am not even sure what kind of writing it is I feel most drawn to. Whatever it is I write, I want to build the Kingdom of God, not serve my own myopic purposes. This is a time of clarifying and refining, and I need your prayers, so if you're the praying kind, please give a shout out for me, 'kay?

Church of the Carmelite monastery in San Diego
https://polemically.wordpress.com/2006/06/26/discalced-carmelite-monastery-san-diego/

My only prayer is that God's will be done in and through me. Feeling joy with what I'm doing is an indication that I am fulfilling part of my purpose here (as it is with everyone!). I feel like I can teach and write m'okay fine. But the thing that really makes me want to get up and go is prayer. Most people think of prayer as kneeling with hands poised in prayer position, eyes to heaven, reciting a rosary. It can be that, of course. But in a very real way, prayer can be every moment, every thought, every action of our lives, whether taking a shower, watering the plants, delivering a lecture, tutoring a student with a research paper. You get the idea.

However, I also believe in intercessory prayer, and I believe it is the #1 Gift God has given me, above the gifts of writing and teaching. If this is true, Carmel may be the home for me. I've started devouring news articles and I constantly am looking for ways and times and people to pray for.  I have a leather-bound journal that houses an on-going list of people and situations I've been asked or feel moved to pray for. But what about my other gifts? The gifts of teaching and writing can be expressed in hundreds of ways, too, so I am aware that these gifts would certainly not be thrown away were I to enter Carmel. And that addresses a point that has been raised by several people along the way - wouldn't you be throwing away your degrees/abilities to do these things? In short, the answer is 'no, I wouldn't!'

Nevertheless, I am still in the process, on the journey, of discerning what God is truly calling me to. He's led me this far, and He continues to lead me. This weekend, I hope to hear and discern more clearly.