Doing Advent

In recent years, I've approached Advent at a breakneck speed, hyper-aware that I'm supposed to "do Advent" before I "do Christmas." The years I spent teaching and working for parishes were the ones I felt the most disconnected from Advent, ironically, because I was so busy preparing Advent liturgies, crafts, and activities that I missed out on the prayerful, silent, wintry season leading up to Christmas. (And let's not forget the excitement and stress of hurling myself across the NYS Thruway/MASS Pike every December to be home with my family.)

The Moon getting ready for Advent
(taken over my house this morning)

The focus of Advent is to prepare for Christ in his Second Coming as well as commemorating the coming of the Second Person of the Trinity into Earth's history.  The liturgical season of Advent begins four Sundays before Christmas, and this year, it starts on Dec. 3, which means the Fourth Sunday of Advent falls on Christmas Eve, Dec. 24. In essence, this crunches Advent into three weeks for 2023.  

Yet this year, I've noticed that Advent started early for me - and not by my own doing.

Silence has beckoned like never before: setting aside my phone and my inner chatterbox to consciously surrender myself to Christ. Even my Advent reading presented itself weeks ago when I happened upon a book I'd received earlier in the year: Jesus and The Jewish Roots of Mary (from colleagues at my former school employer, no less!).

With my new job as a staff writer (and the other half of my job as circulation coordinator), the flow and tenor of my life is exceedingly different from when I worked as a full-time teacher.  There is more open space in my mind, heart, and spirit needed to grow both creatively and spiritually, as it turns out.  Things are not perfect, by any stretch, but I would say that there is definitely more room to receive and respond to God's graces.

God always makes the first move, the advent of grace in our lives, as he did toward Mary Our Mother. My prayer is for all of us to become more open, more receptive, to his gifts of grace in the quiet moments of Advent.

Signal grace: A musical miracle

Yesterday morning, my heart was heavy. So heavy I had a hard time getting out the door and to work. I know it's a symptom of depression, that kind of darkness. It was the 10th anniversary of my mother's death, and I felt the wound of loss more keenly than I have since that night in 2009. It was as if my body remembered exactly what it had felt like. 

I made it just barely in time for one of our killer 2-hour staff meetings, got ready to attend a service fair at the local college, and ate two hotdogs for lunch (which NEVER HAPPENS, people!). At the last minute I invited our seminarian Steve to join me at the service fair, and happily he was able to. Having him for company was a boon; he is a nerd and a man of spiritual integrity, so we get on very well. Afterwards, we grabbed a bite to eat at the local Wegmans, then I had a decision to make:  do I go to choir practice or go home and sleep?

I was absolutely exhausted in mind and body. Steve, who is also in the Traditional Choir, said, "Whatever you do will be best," and he left me to my shopping for body wash and chicken broth (hey, I was in Wegmans, anyway). By the time I left Wegs, it was 6:25. I had a choice - home or choir practice. I asked the Lord what I should do (because really at that point I was practically in a fugue state). I found myself driving to the church. Because, I realized as I pulled into St Casimir's parking lot, what better way to honor Mom's memory than to sing in the choir loft where she and I sang together for all those years when I was young. And hey, being with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament is always good!

Practice was lovely. Steve had been concerned that it might actually make me feel worse, but indeed it was quite the opposite. Singing drew me out of myself, and there were a few moments where I was transfixed by Jesus in the tabernacle, and I kept chanting in my heart "Jesus, I trust in you," the Divine Mercy prayer. Singing in some way cleared the fog, and at the center of my being, there was Jesus where he is always waiting for me (for us), and my love for Him - or rather perhaps, his love for me - welled up and overflowed.  

Music heals, my friends, especially sacred music. We are beings of music. I'm convinced God sang and sings the universe and all of us into being. Music is the universal language that comprises mathematics and creativity. It can destroy as well as build up, depending on what spirit is infused - but it is, I am convinced, the 2nd most powerful force on earth, next to Love (God is Love). It can connect us because it is a part of us. Give this a watch if you don't know what I mean:

The last piece we rehearsed was "All Creatures of Our God and King" as the recessional for Sunday's 7:30 Mass (when the Traditional Choir sings). I remembered that when I was young, I used to sing a descant for this hymn. I could sort of hear it in my head but needed the sheet music to get it back. After a few seconds of discussion, Jessica, our Music Director, said the older music was still sitting in the cabinet by the stairs. Now by "older" I'm talking music from 25-35 years ago. So when everyone was getting ready to leave, I went over and started rooting around the antique music cabinet. I opened the bottom doors and poked my head in. It was total chaos in there. Among other things, I found two old tambourines and a triangle (ah yes, 80s liturgical music). Then sitting off to the side on its own, a very fat red folder. It drew my eye; it looked vaguely familiar, somehow.

I sat down on the floor in front of the cabinet and pulled it into my lap. I opened it. And saw my mother's name written on the inside pocket. 

I literally couldn't breathe for a moment, as I realized what I held in my arms:  My mother's choir folder from 30 years ago. Waiting for me, for this exact moment, on this night, precisely 10 years after her death. The Mass sheet for the Midnight Mass of 1990 was still inside. 

This was pure, unadulterated grace. I started sobbing. Mary, our Liturgy Director and Organist, came over with Jessica and Steve to see what was going on. They knew the significance of the day, so when I finally caught my breath, I looked up, holding Mom's folder close to my heart, and I told them, "It's Mom's music."  

They, too, were astonished. All the choirs and organists and musicians that have walked up and down those steps these last 3 decades, and no one had cleaned out the bottom of that cabinet. "Elena, you are so loved," Mary said. "You are so blessed." Blessed, indeed.

I tell this story first to glorify Christ and then to express how humbled I am by his everlasting goodness to me. And I must also give props to Blessed Mother Mary, whose intercession I implored as I neared that dreadful date of January 22nd. In light of the gift I've been given, I am praying ever more diligently for all those experiencing loss, rejection, abandonment, betrayal, or grief of any kind that leads to depression. You are not alone, and there is reason to hope. 

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Phil 4:7

(Still haven't found the sheet music with the descant, tho. Nor a recording of it.)

New blog post on Catholic Courier

Mary helps us keep our eyes on Christ | Catholic News & Multimedia | Diocese of Rochester - Catholic Courier https://t.co/g19JMCE2Kk

— Elena Cambio (@ElenaMCambio) January 17, 2019

The other day I was at a party at the home of dear friends of mine. One of the party-goers waited until we had all sat down with our paper plates of deliciousness and (I swear) waited for me to shovel a mouthful of food in, and then asked me, "So, as our only Catholic representative, what do you have to say about the ... terrible things going on...?"  It was a moment out of a cartoon, where everyone stopped talking all at once. You could hear a plastic spoon drop.

I had inwardly prepared for this moment, because I do know well this particular group of friends. I responded evenly. I looked at him and said, "It's horrific. It's beyond-words-horrific. We need to do better. We will do better, because this is the Church Jesus Christ founded." Someone suggested the cause was "men priests" and others hinted at celibacy as the problem. I wound up the conversation by saying something about the deep need for reform on many levels (without getting into specifics, many of which I don't have as a lay person), and that as I see it, clericalism is a huge factor in the cover up and hidden subcultures that led to this crisis. 

After that I can't recall exactly what I said. Because really it was the Holy Spirit speaking up. And you know what? I can take a little heat. My tiny bit of discomfort is nothing and can only be offered up for the healing of the victims and sanctification of priests.

I'm not here to get into the whys and hows and what do we do now. There are literally hundreds of articles all over the internets. I can recommend reading FirstThings.com and AmericaMagazine.org for varying perspectives on the related topics and issues.

One of my good friends always likes to say, "Focus on what you know to be true." So that's what I'm doing here.

1. Jesus is here as he promised. He never abandons us. This is most important because the temptation is to throw the baby out with the bath water - ditch the Church and abandon the Body of Christ who are hurting so deeply right now. 
2. Grieve, get angry, but do not sin. Jesus constantly invites us to REST in Him no matter the circumstances. 
3. I am praying for the healing, restoration, and peace of the victims, and I'm offering up what I can for them.
4. I am praying for our good and loving clergy, and for their sanctification.
5. I am offering up what little sacrifices I can make (a la "The Little Way") for the reform and cleansing of the Church as a whole.
6. The Church will be reformed because it needs to be, and because it's the Church Christ founded.
7. The Church has always been in need of reform and is constantly being reformed because (see #6).
8. I also have to pray for the clergy who have committed such heinous immoral acts of depravity. That one is a lot harder than numbers 1 - 7, but it is still what Jesus commands. 

But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...  Mt 5:44

Ouch. Not easy. Not by a long shot. But we need to pray for everyone involved while we attend to this.

We're embarking on a long, dark journey. It may well get worse before it gets better - cleaning and dressing the wounds means they have to be uncovered, first. As Chris Stefanick Tweeted last week:

Be sickened. Do not lose heart. Be saddened. Do not despair. Be angry at the abuse of power. Do not be ashamed of the power of the Gospel. One is from God. The other is from satan.  This is no time for weakness.

A Litany to Freedom

Lord, deliver me from all that robs me of freedom and interior peace.

Freedom from enslavement to my fears
- not being good enough
- being poor
- being abandoned

Freedom from enslavement to my cravings
- food beyond nourishment
- comfort instead of fulfilling responsibilities
- distraction instead of openness to God's will in my life

Freedom from enslavement to the demands of the world
- busy busy busy busy busy busy busy
- money money money money money money money

Freedom from enslavement to status and power
- gotta look good for others to judge
- can't let anyone get the drop on me
- gotta be in control
- can't be caught looking foolish

The enemy plies each and every one of these fears against me.
Lord, deliver me from evil.
Grant me freedom to embrace you in my daily life, the life of moments.

Freedom to do what I ought
- righteousness in the sight of the Lord

yah, not my own righteousness
the righteousness of Jesus Christ who transforms me
with His Body and Blood

- fearlessness in the face of persecutions

Freedom to be myself with you, O Lord
- no masks, no pretend saintliness
- no lies about what I do and how my life
impacts the lives of others
- accepting responsibility for my choices

Freedom to GIVE IT ALL to you, O Lord.
The good, the bad and the ugly. Also the beautiful and the sincere.
The tender and the gruff. The falling down and the getting back up.

Freedom to look at you, Jesus, not at my own faults and failings.
For therein lies true freedom and your Peace beyond all understanding:
Not that I have loved you, but that you have loved me.

Paper chains, indeed.

Rest in Peace ... Br. Justin Young, OSB

Dear Friends and Family,

Please pray for the repose of the soul of Br. Justin Young, OSB. He died suddenly on Wednesday, April 4, from a brain hemorrhage. Also please keep in your prayers his family members, brother monks of Mount Saviour Monastery (Elmira), and all the Oblates and many friends of Br. Justin and the Monastery. 

Brother Justin was a dear friend of mine and of many others who sought his deep prayerfulness, winning smile, outrageous laugh, and constant thoughtfulness. He was the Porter at Mount Saviour, greeting guests and preparing their morning meals for them. He also did a hundred other things of which I'm not even sure. He was a creative and a mystic at heart, and that's how our bond developed. He often sought me out after Mass and gave me some little encouragement, prayer, or intuition that had come to him regarding my own spiritual journey. I will treasure always a copy of St. Francis de Sales' Introduction to the Devout Life that Br. Justin gave me last year. I have been and am deeply blessed that he was (and is) a part of that journey.

Br. Justin was just 69, and had just recently had his Final Profession (spring of 2016, I believe). Before entering Mount Saviour Monastery, he had been a Missionary of Charity Brother (Saint/Mother Teresa of Calcutta's order). He had met her and was devoted to her memory and status as a saint of the Catholic Church.

I'm positive he's on his way to heaven, and that his prayers are now storming the gates of heaven for all of us. I miss him terribly and am still in shock at his sudden absence, although I am rejoicing for his sake.

Thank you for reading and for your prayers. May God reward you.

In Easter Joy,

Elena

Easter Joy

Well you can't very well write about Good Friday and not write about Easter! I spent the weekend with a good friend in Binghamton, so am just getting around to writing a bit tonight.

On my drive back from Binghamton, this prayer entered my heart: "Lord, let me see myself in the Light of Your Resurrection." Our ideas about our lives and our very personhood are too often determined by others, when the only Person who can speak who we are is God. A God who knows the realities of human existence, but who offers the final Word - LIFE. There is joy, humility and peace here. The joy of knowing that humanity is resurrected in Christ, and that by His stripes, I am healed. 

I went to Easter Sunday Mass at my friend's church, and although I knew no one else besides my friend, I felt totally at home and welcomed. People had friendly faces and friendly spirits (oh that it were so in every Catholic parish!). But it soon became clear that we chose to sit near a family with a toddler who was NOT having it. "I want down. I want get down!" the little guy wailed and squirmed in his grandfather's arms, almost to the point where he squirmed right out of his little pants. 

Yeah it was annoying because I had to work really hard to focus on the homily. But I also felt like I understood that kid really well. Like, sometimes I just want to wail and squirm out of the arms of the Lord when He's asking me to do something I don't like or don't get. Sometimes he's just asking me to be still and rest in Him. Okay, most of the time that's what He's asking me! He only holds me in love, but when I fight Him, I make it harder for myself (and often for others around me).

My prayer for the Easter Season and the coming year is for all of us to allow Him to hold us and not to wail and squirm and demand to do life our own way. God is the only one who knows us perfectly, and He's the only one who can speak who we are. But we have to let Him. 

Take Up Your Cross

In my Good Friday tradition, I am starting my day with scripture. Yesterday at the Holy Thursday Mass of the Last Supper, we heard from the Gospel of John. Today, I'm reading the Gospel of Luke, in particular the Passion Narrative. Here's what has struck me this morning: 

As they led him away they took hold of a certain Simon, a Cyrenian, who was coming in from the country; and after laying the cross on him, they made him carry it behind Jesus.   (Lk 23:26)

I realized after meditating on this passage that for most of my life, whenever I heard the phrase "take up your cross," it evoked an image of me dragging the impossibly heavy burdens of life around the world on my own, with Jesus far off on a hilltop, looking down and giving me the thumbs up sign. I know, that's ridiculous. 

But really, in a culture that emphasizes individualism and self-reliance, it's not too surprising that this is how many of us think of "taking up our crosses."  Like we have to muscle it ourselves and hope God is noticing. That recalls a line from Jesus Christ Superstar (Simon Zealotes): "Christ, you know I love you; did you see, I waved? I believe in you and God, so tell me that I'm saved." There's a very human desperation in all of this.

But what results from this self-reliance in suffering? Substance abuse, isolation, workaholism, depression, addictions to sex, food, exercise, escapism, and abuse of others in our lives. 

Jesus wants us to make an act of will so that we choose to engage our suffering. But he doesn't want us to try to go it alone. He wants us to share that burden with Him, or rather, in a sense, we are sharing His burden. It becomes OUR burden, and He lightens the load by a) giving meaning to our suffering (for the salvation of souls), and b) accompanying us with His love, drawing us into deeper relationship with Him. 

The supernatural grace with which He infuses us will transform us (not just "cover" us). In this way, He uses the suffering we experience to divinize us, to make us more like Him - if we let Him. This is not the old pious saying that "suffering is good for the soul," a vacuous comment that is neither compassionate nor true. This is God taking the sting out of death.

Death's sting is removed because we enter into eternal life with Jesus when we enter into his Passion and carry our crosses with Him. Our loads will be lightened because we share them with the Saviour; we ourselves will be resurrected in spirit when we die and in body on the last day - this He has promised us. But to begin with, we must share the burdens of life with Him, inviting Him into deep communion - or rather, responding to His invitation to deep communion. In this way, we share in the Pascal Mystery.

O Come, Emmanuel

I am waiting in the silence for Messiah, the One who saves, the One who is Love, to come into my heart. Ah! He is already here, yet He seeks even more of my heart. 

This Advent I was wracked with mono (since October) as well as stomach flu (last weekend). At first I was angry: how unfair, why did this happen to me, why now? I was planning to go "home" to be with family on the South Shore of Boston for Christmas as usual, and as usual, the hype and stress of getting everything done before I hit the road for a 7 hour drive to stay at other people's houses (even people I love) was starting to ramp up. To give you an idea of how this feels:

One night in the midst of stomach flu ickiness earlier this week, I was awake, sweating, feeling so horrible I almost felt out of my body. And that's where I met Jesus. "Accept everything." That's what my spiritual director had said in his voice mail message that morning. "Jesus I trust in You." It's so simple, yet it was all Jesus was asking. Accept Me, accept what I am doing, even if you don't understand it or don't like it. Trust Me. And I did. I surrendered. I felt a release, and it was as if I was new again, almost like a re-birth.

A couple days later, I decided I would stay home - MY home - for Christmas this year. So here I am on Christmas Eve eve, enjoying the peace of my own home. The closeness I feel with Jesus-being-birthed in my heart and in my life is indescribable. I will spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at Mount Saviour Monastery (another sort of "home") with the monks and in a silent Christmas retreat. Being alone, not being afraid to be alone, knowing my own decision-making is based on clear discernment is empowering as well as humbling.

I'll go visit my awesome family for New Year's Eve weekend. And I'm thinking I may do this every year from now on.

Fourth Sunday of Advent:  O Come, O Come, Emmanuel

On a separate but related note... my dear, lovely mother-in-law died last Thursday, Dec. 14th after six months of difficult recovery from a massive stroke. She surrendered and received the peace of Christ in eternal rest. May perpetual light shine upon her.

On being vulnerable

Months have passed since I've written here. Been writing and working full time in youth ministry, but at least I've thought about blogging. I'll hit on a particularly moving topic in my car or shower and  think "gotta blog about it" but it's forgotten in fifteen minutes. But I actually thought of something this morning before starting the day. 

The terrorist attacker in NYC, killing eight people riding their bikes, has left us with a renewed feeling of vulnerability. We've amped up security in airports, government buildings, concerts, and in virtual spaces. Yet something as innocuous as a rental truck can wipe out human lives in five minutes or less. I've seen commentaries and declarations about how "unsafe" we are and how "vulnerable" people feel. Well... yes. Nothing has changed in one sense; we've always been vulnerable. The evil one is ramping up his game and instilling fear. That's a powerful tool. Fear causes people to close their minds in a variety of ways.

Yet we can stand in this vulnerable space knowing that no matter what happens to us, God is with us. God is for us. God honors free will, but we can trust that as Jesus has promised us, he will be with us to the end of the age. Nothing is unseen or unknown by God, and we can rely on God's mercy and justice to prevail, even if we can't see it with human eyes, in human terms. And uniting our sufferings to the suffering of Christ for the salvation of souls is a powerful antidote to what ails us. In fact it is the only way to accept what is and to stand in the vulnerability of being human without growing hardened and closed off. Praying for those whose lives were taken so suddenly and violently is what we are called to, as well as for their loved ones experiencing such a shocking loss.

Today is All Souls Day, when we pray in a special way for the deceased, for the Holy Souls in Purgatory. We can offer our sufferings and the sufferings of others for them, and for ourselves.

Purgatory, BTW, isn't a limbo or a half-way point between Heaven and Hell. It is a place of purification on the way to Heaven. Hence we say "holy souls" or "friends of God" in Purgatory. Since nothing imperfect can enter One who is perfect, we are then made perfect by the stripping away of our attachments to anything other than God. Then we can enter into that perfect union with the Holy Perfection that is the Trinity of Love.

Many writers and saints have done a much better job of addressing vulnerability as the beloved of Christ. For me, the vulnerability is something to accept in a spirit of humility. I cannot change the world this instant to fix the problems or heal everyone. Nor can I snap my fingers and make my life what I think it ought to be. Funny that! But I can trust that in this place of vulnerability, I am (we all are) treasured, sustained and cared for lovingly by the One who loved me enough to die for me. 

Those whose lives were cut short in NYC, and those who die daily from violence, hunger and disease (most of which is preventable, BTW, with more and better human effort aided by God's grace) need our prayers and our love as we stand in this vulnerable place with Christ at our side, remembering his own humble vulnerability before the forces of evil in the world. Through his ultimate sacrifice, death is destroyed, and we need not fear our vulnerability in the world.

Summer of Love

I just finished a marvelous week with my family in Massachusetts and would be feeling refreshed if I weren't so tired. Actually, I do feel refreshed. My mind is clear and my spirit is refreshed, even if I need to go to bed earlier than my grand nephews' and grand niece's bedtime. However, I feel the need to blog since a couple things hit me during the past week that deserve airing.

A close family member of mine is asking the tough questions about God, including, "If he's all-loving, why does God allow suffering of innocents?"

The question was asked not as a philosophical exercise, but with righteous anger. Appropriately so. We should be angry at injustice and suffering. If we're not, we need to take Human lessons.

Tonight as I was washing dishes in a daze, the answer rose up in my mind in a phrase:

God allows suffering so that we can love.

Allow me to 'splain. God has given humanity free will to either love each other or hurt each other. Throughout human history, we've continuously chosen to hurt each other. In big ways and small. In personal slams and international affairs of state.

Yet in every situation, we have a choice. Do we do like God and love (e.g. not judging but listening, not lashing out but taking time to pray, not digging in one's heels but working with others for solutions, not complaining but accepting with trust, not seeking vengeance but forgiving) or do we do like the evil one and fear, hate, cheat, complain bitterly, and waste time, talent and treasure (a.k.a. sin). We have that choice. Every one of us, every moment, no matter what. There is always a choice.

When we choose evil, others are hurt. Personally, internationally, and generationally. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. Evil is perpetuated (original sin) and continues on down the line. Now, God could step in and eradicate our free will, forcing us to do good, to do right, to be like God. To love God.

Since when is forcing anyone to love you considered real love? Cause that's what it would be if God took away our free will and made us love him and each other. It would't be love. God doesn't want slaves or robots or mindless adorers. God wants us as he made us to be - capable of choosing him, of choosing love, of accepting grace to evolve and grow.

Okay, but what about the Holocaust? The Rwandan and Armenian Genocides? The Syrian refugees? The starving multitudes in third world countries? God lets them suffer so that everyone gets a choice?

It has never been God's design for anyone to suffer. Period. We live in a fallen, imperfect world. We inflict this suffering on each other through our individual, collective, current and historical choices. But God has not abandoned us to this fallen world of suffering and death.

God's grace floods into every place and every situation and every person. If we cooperate with grace, we will find a solution to those problems. We will at least try. Those who have tried are the saints and heroes of history. In the midst of horror and evil, people have chosen to do the right thing and be loving. That is God's presence in the world, through us. Incarnational spirituality. He's waiting for us to accept the grace that is constantly offered through Jesus Christ for us to make those choices for life, for love.

If God eradicated all evil and placed us in a stasis of mindless obedience and adoration, we would not have that choice. We could not love.

Love isn't a feeling, love isn't having our needs met, love isn't using your or another's body to escape pain, and love is definitely not all wrapped up in clover. Love empties itself. If it doesn't, it's not love. Love empties itself completely and totally, in complete self-gift to the other. As Jesus did for us. He was innocent, and he allowed himself to suffer immensely, to be tortured and to die, so that we could live in Eternity with the Triune God, the Community of Love. The gates of death have been destroyed. But only through the suffering of Jesus. And through Christian Baptism, we are called to die with Christ and then to rise to new life with him.

God brings goodness out of the pain and suffering that we experience - he doesn't leave us alone, even if it feels like he does sometimes. Jesus is with us in suffering, because he suffered like us and he promised to be with us to the end of the age. One of my favorite lines right now is this: "God writes straight with crooked lines." 

The human story isn't over. The end result of human suffering is not fully known. But we can be assured that we are being empowered to love, should we choose to, and that God never abandons us.

Next time: Wasted suffering. Or, "why me, why now?" Or, "why does Luke Skywalker whine so much?"

True Serenity

In the last three weeks, my life has been turned a bit upside down. Life is change, as a former film prof of mine recently reminded me. I've never been particularly good with change. In the past, I've either resisted it and suffered immensely, or I've run away to start over -- only I'd bring all the old bag and baggage with me that was never dealt with. 

In the midst of this current round of uncertainty and movement, I've been reminded that the appropriate response to any kind of big change is to offer up thanks and gratitude. But I know from my own experience that empty words of gratitude don't amend my heart, and they only end up tasting bitter rather than being sincere and true thanksgiving to God. I'd wager most people have experienced this at some point. I know of a few tender souls who struggle with it daily, in fact.

The other morning as I sat on my porch with my morning coffee, watching the finches duke it out at the feeder, I felt the very near Presence, and a word resounded in my mind:  acceptance.

Whoa! Okay, wait, what? You want me to accept all this crappy stuff that's happened and is happening? You want me to acknowledge that it exists and that I can't change it and to accept it? What are you, nuts?

Now, the Serenity Prayer comes to mind. "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." And of course there are other, more modern, less pious versions, such as "Lord grant me the serenity to accept the stupid." But that's not so helpful. And even in its pure form, I don't think this prayer fully expresses what I'm getting at here.

Acceptance. It doesn't mean roll over and die. It doesn't mean not to feel your feelings. It does mean to feel them and give them to God, to let them go, rather than wrap yourself up in them like a shroud of victimhood from which to accuse the world's injustice. It doesn't mean you don't speak truth about justice, righteousness, or mercy. It does mean you live your best life and allow others their God-given free will. It means we understand that God's will is always present, always moving, even when humans choose otherwise. God's will cannot be overwritten. It involves trust. And as that acceptance takes hold, true gratitude can begin to germinate.

Once the gratitude takes hold, all things become blessings. You will see the people, situations, and things around you that you have taken for granted, and you'll give thanks. You will see the problem or change or situation you are facing as a blessing, and you'll desire God's will to be done (and trust He has plans for you). And only then will you have serenity. But it all starts with acceptance.

You cannot give Me thanks until you have fully accepted that things are the way they are, through no action of yours, and that your job is to stay with Me and let Me lead the dance. Trust that I am in control, here. There's no other way. You've tried it the other way, and you know that doesn't work. That leads to anxiety, anger, and depression. Those things make it harder for you to see Me and know My infinite love for you. Remember, I died on the Cross so that you could live. Accepting your cross is part of union with Me.

Lord, grant me the grace to accept all things as my share in the cross and to stay with You, my eyes on You, alone, and my heart open to receive the gifts that are present, which are also from You, in loving trust.                   

      Amen.

Heart Spirituality

Friends, 

I will be going to visit two more communities at the end of this month and beginning of June. They are the Religious of the Assumption and the Visitation Nuns. Both communities are beautiful. They are also quite different, although the founder of the Religious of the Assumption, St. Marie Eugenie, had her early formation in a Visitation monastery, so there is a connection as far as spirituality and charism. Neither community is Benedictine. They are both spiritualities of the heart (Religious of the Assumption being Augustinian, and the Visitation nuns being Salesian and the historical setting of the devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus).

In the Benedictine charism I have found balance and a call to simplicity, openness and the desert spirituality. But... I may be seeking for more than that. A "feminine genius" as Pope Francis has named it, perhaps not found with the Benedictines as I have experienced them. I may find this elsewhere or I may discover it comes from within and manifests uniquely. Or perhaps both. Anyway, this is the journey of surrender and humility.

I thank you for your prayers. Alleluia! He is Risen!

I'm Pretty Sure Jesus Doesn't Like Boxes (unless they are filled with Jaffa Cakes)

Fact:

Fact: I prefer raspberry to orange Jaffa Cakes.

• I feel personally called to cover my head with a chapel veil when I am before the Blessed Sacrament.
• I am absolutely transported by singing and hearing Gregorian Chant. 
• If I do become a nun, I would like to wear a Habit of some kind.
• I would prefer that people offered Thanksgiving after Communion, if only the priest gave us time for that.
• I believe we need to Evangelize our "lukewarm" Catholics about the power and love of the Real Presence of Christ in the Blessed Sacrament.
• I am committed to one hour a week of Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament.
• I belive in Marian apparitions such as Fatima and Lourdes, and I believe in the power of prayer, especially the Rosary.
• I believe in St. Faustina's visions of Christ and the efficaciousness of the Divine Mercy Chaplet.
• I am Pro-Life. That includes educating against abortion and reducing the perceived "need" for abortion, and advocating for compassionate end of life care that does not include assisted suicide.

Apparently, in the eyes of many, that makes me a "Traditionalist." I have been stuffed into that box more than once by someone who sees me wearing a mantilla chapel veil, and I have had to clarify where I fall on the spectrum of Catholic.

• I am happily a Post-conciliar Catholic.
• I believe in the need for Evangelizing our laity to EMBODY the Church because we ARE the Church, because we are in fact the Body of Christ, called to be light in the world, called to be salt of the earth, called to be leaven.
• Down with clericalism.
• I am 100% with Pope Francis across the board because he is the real deal, and he gets what it means to be a disciple of Jesus the Messiah in a world burdened with sin and pain.
• I believe it is the call of humanity to care for each other and love each other. This means:  feeding the poor, giving shelter to the homeless, educating girls and boys, etc. and not just giving handouts, but helping people to support themselves, discover their gifts and talents, and use those gifts for society for a just wage and in a loving environment.
• I believe in being responsible for the care of Creation, our planet, and each other.
• I support beautiful liturgy that reflects the spirit of the people in the local community.
• I enjoy some JM Talbot, Joncas, and Haugen. 
• I am Pro-Life. That includes providing mother, baby and family support services,  education  for everyone that includes arts and sciences, reducing poverty by just and fair economics, and abolishing the death penalty. I am a pacifist.

If you're at all familiar with Catholic "politics" you readily see how I am not easily pegged as a Trad or a Prog (or a Yang or a Com). I am sick to death of people needing to pigeon hole others because they don't respond to the same type of liturgy, or they feel called to cover their heads, or they love singing "On Eagles Wings" at the top of their lungs. I fail to see how trampling on people who don't value the aesthetics and modes of prayer that you do is Christian. That goes for both sides. 

I don't know what to make of any of it, the wild polarities in our Catholic Church (I may as well be talking about Republicans and Democrats), except that the Holy Spirit doesn't play favorites and seems to be helping people find Christ in a myriad of ways. 

All I know is that I'm saddened at being asked not to wear my chapel veil by communities I have discerned with (this has happened to me twice, now) because it sends a "message" that I or the community is Traditionalist. I'm also tired of being sent emails about the prophecy of Fatima and how Donald Trump signifies the End Times because I am assumed to be "one of them" by the Traditionalists.

Really, people? And how does this all square with Jesus' teaching about loving each other as ourselves? Didn't he tell us the outside of the cup isn't so important as the inside of the cup? Didn't he say that we aren't to worry about the future, only trust in God's providence? Did he not make it clear that we are not to judge each other? Then why are we arguing, calling the other antichrist? And for crying out Pete's sake loud, how can we expect to be the light of the world when we are busy punching each other in the face? 

In the Gospel of Luke, Jesus is gathered with his disciples and tells them that he has desired to eat this Passover with them. He knows full well what he's about to endure, and he is ready to do it out of love. Do you know what his disciples do? They argue about who among them shall be called the greatest (Lk 22:24). To quote Peter van Breemen, S.J.:

How much Jesus must have suffered at that last meal that he had desired so eagerly, when he discovered that his disciples had understood nothing of his spirit and his mentality (The God Who Won't Let Go, p. 86). 

What a sad statement that this can easily apply to his Church in the present day, arguing who has the "right" way to be Catholic and who is doing the work of Satan. We are human, we are sinners, and we can't for a moment think that we're better than anyone else because we've "earned" our place in the Kingdom by being on the right side of the chasm that we ourselves have created.

The Flavor of Lent

Another Purple Liturgical Season is upon us. I look out my window at Stella - Nor'easter Stella, that is, not my Aunt Stella, may she Rest in Peace *makes Sign of the Cross* and I think how fortunate I am that I got to:  a) work from home during the two days of this storm, and b) watch St. Francis measuring the powdery snow (not the heavy wet stuff that was predicted, thank you, Jesus).

3/14/17 at 9:18 a.m.                 3/15/17 6:32 p.m.  

After getting my work done and filing my taxes today (yay, me!) I hopped onto Twitter and discovered an article that encapsulates many of my past ramblings.

First, I'll hit you with a quote:

If you can’t see God’s will in the present moment, right where you’re standing, and embrace it then and there, you’ll never discover it for the future.

Now please go read the rest of the article here. 

On Friday, I will take one more turn around the block of discerning a religious vocation. Only I realize that it's certainly not the same block from a year ago or five years ago when I began this journey.  I'm not the same woman I was a year ago - especially since coming back to Elmira. The at-times painful but wondrous healing that is happening here is nothing short of God's own love poured out. He calls me to be poured out, as well, as he does each of this beloved children.

"Hey girl, I got your back. Just
rest in Me, okay?"

This Lent has really brought this home. Just a couple weeks ago I was ranting at God because of poor me wah, wah, wah... and then in one sudden moment realized that Jesus suffered unimaginably. How can I claim he is my Beloved if I won't willingly share in even a teensy taste of the bitter cup, trusting in his Love?

Every time I start to flip out (like, um, doing taxes, or paying bills, or figuring out how to reach a bunch of 14-year-old kids), I am reminded that anxiety is not trusting in the Lord, who has promised that the Father knows what we need. All we need do is seek the Kingdom. All else is provided for. 

And so I'm returning to the Transfiguration Monastery, the Benedictine community I visited almost two years ago on the trip to New York that convinced me to move back to Elmira. My prayer for this trip is simple:  I TRUST IN YOU JESUS. That's it. Not "show me your will" or "please let this be the place" or anything else that puts demands on God.

I am very much looking forward to seeing the Sisters again. The wise advice that Sr. Donald gave me as I was leaving after my first visit was that I needed to discern my own charism - Carmelite, Franciscan, Benedictine, Dominican, etc. I didn't really set out to do that, actually, but as it so happens God has brought me home to the Benedictine way. So with that, and now with a way to deal with my debt, I am returning there for a weekend. I have questions, of course, but mostly I'm just going to listen - with my physical ears and the ear of my soul.

On a more mundane note, I look forward to meeting their new cat, Miss Kitty Boots. The former monastery cat, Miguel, was already old and blind when I met him, and went home to Kitty Heaven last year. It is good that I know about Miss Kitty Boots, so that I will remember to pack my Zyrtec. (And no doubt the Google bots will now ply me with antihistamine ads for having posted that.)

Fakey McClickBait

2016 has rocked our GenX world as one pop icon after another has died and left a huge vacancy. For me, the moment of ENOUGH ALREADY didn't come until the death of Debbie Reynolds, a day after Carrie Fisher's passing. I truly thought it was some kind of bad joke when I woke up and read the headline, and my brain struggled with the seeming unlikelihood of it all - especially in light of the "fake news" that's been outed after the election. A small corner of my brain hoped it was another tabloid-esque false report even as I knew that if it's splashed all over BBC, CNN, Washington Post and FoxNews, it must be true.

This morning I caught an article on the fake news of 2016, and it got me thinking about how vulnerable we all are. The internet keeps us connected 24/7 with each other and the world, which has its light and dark side, as most things do. The light side:  knowing of injustice that we can then act upon, sharing pictures of family far away, sending email letters and the ease of forwarding interesting articles, recipes, and ideas, and collaborating in all kinds of pursuits. The dark side:  addiction to information, online gaming, and porn. And we have to add to that list the ease of being manipulated by biased news reporting and fake news sites. It's all a bit much, isn't it?

If only all fake news were as easy to spot.

How can we tell what is real, what is true? CNN has just as much bias as FoxNews. Facebook is a veritable breeding ground for manipulation and misdirection, where slanted "news" and misreporting in the guise of memes spreads and stokes the fires of the already-pissed-off who then turn around and share the meme of incorrect data, misinterpreted data, or blatantly falsified data (whether that data be statistics, quotes, or images).

Almost makes you want to unplug and start living in the real world, doesn't it?

But the "real world" isn't a safe harbor, either. The adversary likes to peddle half-truths that are very attractive. I suppose you could call it "spiritual click-bait." No one would sin if we could see it for what it is and for what it does to our relationship with God and each other. Advertising only works if we are sold something we think we need, that will be good for us, even if it kills us.

When we are lured into a half-truth, our own vision of the good starts to become tainted, and before long we do what we shouldn't do, or we don't do what we should. In the moment it may seem harmless enough, but if we are truly honest with ourselves, we can look back and see the path that has led deeper into the darkness through sin. 

But the Good News is that we have a God who doesn't leave us to our own devices once we've gotten tangled up in the lies and behaviors that turn us away from God's love. The Word became Flesh, taking on our humanity in all its complexity and fake newsish-ness. Maybe Jesus didn't have to contend with fake news sites and Russian hacking, but war, injustice and tyranny were already old hat for the human race by the time he was born. 

In many ways, absolutely nothing has changed as far as the human race is concerned. We are still lying, cheating, killing, maiming, torturing, starving and emotionally brutalizing each other. We have fancier technology with which to do all of this, but really, the adversary is up to his old tricks, just a little more updated to human ingenuity. 

But like that article says of weeding out fake news, there are ways to combat the spiritual click-bait. We have been given clear moral principles through the Judeo-Christian scriptures, which are the Word of God, not some random collection of human writings. Have you read the scriptures? There's a lot of bad-assery and also horrific sinning going on there. It's not a pretty picture. Jesus's genealogy is enough to make a soap opera producer blush. But the story is the same throughout the Hebrew scriptures and Christian New Testament:  God saves. He doesn't leave us to wallow in the spiritual click-bait and the aftermath of making the wrong choices again and again. 

We've been given the Beatitudes and the Ten Commandments. We've been given the law of Love from Love:  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and strength, and love each other as you love yourself. Within these are to be found the truth of how we are to live with God and each other. Jesus didn't come just as a rebel or a prophet or a nice guy. He came to die for us, to remit the sins of humanity throughout time, so that we could enter into a relationship with our Father and become divinized. The more we enter into these truths through Jesus's love, the more we will understand who we are meant to be, free of addictions and false hopes. Free to recognize spiritual click-bait when we see it, and to repent of it.

The Day After

I know this isn't the most well-crafted piece I've ever written. I just need to get the thoughts out there. Thank you for reading.

Trying to come up with a response to the election of Donald Trump as prez. It's not just about Trump, you see. It's about the backlash and the hate and the IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD and all the other negative feedback. I understand fully that people who voted for Hillary are in mourning. They feel that rights will be taken away from segments of our population, that healthcare will be decimated, that war will be inevitable. (I voted for neither of them, for my conscience would not allow it, and I live in a solidly Blue state anyway.)

Trump's campaign was an ugly one. I'm no political scientist, nor do I play one on TV, but even a lay person like myself can see that people in this country have been unhappy and hurting for a very long time, and Trump keyed right into that. His inflammatory speeches and bold proclamations whipped up the anger, the hurt and in some cases, the violence of those people. 

What I expect is that he will back pedal on much of what he threatened/promised to do, because in Real Life, the Presidency isn't about building walls and hurtling thousands of people back across the border. In Real Life, there are those who will counter the things he may want to do that will be bad for this country.

On the other hand, there is also this. Regardless of how unpalatable he, himself, may be, he may also do some good things for the country. Being pro-life, I am hoping he cements the Hyde Amendment and ratchets back the free-wheeling abortion industry.*

I am hopeful that he will calm the rhetoric, allow himself to be guided by wise and informed people, not start any wars, and appoint reasonable and moderate Supreme Court Justices who value ALL LIFE. I pray that if he (or the Republican Congress) mess with healthcare, he has a really solid alternative READY TO GO so that millions (including myself) aren't suddenly without medical insurance. 

I pray that he will do right by our Native American brothers and sisters, that he will somehow see past the dollar signs of the oil industry (I know, I'm being unrealistic, but I also believe in miracles!). I hope he will Stand with Standing Rock and LISTEN to them.

People are shouting the sky is falling, the end of civilization. I honestly think that is unwarranted. That it, too has been fomented by the media's portrayal of Trump and SOME of his supporters. I am not defending any of his deplorable (yes I said it) behavior and language, but I also know that people don't think what they think in a vacuum. They are fed information and tone, and are emotionally manipulated by media conglomerates and their masters. This goes on for both sides of our fractured political landscape. 

I am wiped out from a day of hearing and feeling people's ranting and raging. I'm empathic, so I absorb a lot of it unconsciously. Let's not let the negativity feed on itself. The hysteria and drama of it all may actually be soothing on the inside (as Stephen Colbert pointed out last night), but it also serves to further divide us and make it difficult to move forward. We all saw post after post on Twitter and Facebook this morning hurling obscenities at third party voters, decrying those "uneducated white men" who voted Trump in and threatening to send them to college. Talk about condescending! Way to further alienate people who are clearly hurting - people like veterans, factory workers, farmers, grocery store stockers, drug store clerks, plant workers, small business owners, migrant workers, the list goes on. Will Trump help them? We'll see. But we cannot - we should not - throw them into a basket and piss on them because they tried to make a change for the better.  

Instead of measuring which segment of society hurts the most, how about we ALL work to HEAL ALL OUR WOUNDS TOGETHER. 

Ever the optimist, or rather, ever the believer in the Love of God on Earth, I am hopeful that WE are the United States of America, that WE will be change we want to see in the world, in our communities and in our civic duties. I think we will weather this storm, as we have every other storm. I pray that we can actually make something better for ourselves. But it will only happen if people stop shouting at each other and just look at how beautiful all of us humans really are, in the sight of God, and in each other's sight.

Last thing. If you're the praying kind (and I hope you are), please join me in praying for President Trump, for all elected leaders, that they will be guided by the principles of love, justice, and liberty for all.

*An aside, I am a pro-life Catholic, from natural birth to natural death. That means I am against the death penalty and assisted suicide. It means I am against abortion - HOWEVER (take a breath) - I also recognize that with 40+ years of Roe v Wade behind us, there is no way that a complete prohibition will ever work here. If we were to strike it completely and return to a total prohibition on all abortion, we would be putting thousands of women at great risk, because black market abortion would flourish. 

That said, I am in favor of restrictions on abortion because the issue is not a woman's right to control her body; the issue is the unborn human's right to live. I think in extreme cases where the mother's health is in jeopardy, the mother, father (if there is one in the picture), and health providers need to be able to make that call. But unfettered access, federally funded abortions, partial-birth and late term abortions - No. 

Being pro-life, I am pro-education and anti-standardized testing. Creativity, expression, wonder, hands-on learning, cooperative learning, etc. all these are needed and are being stifled with current models in place. 

I would like to see thousands more clinics, educational and other service centers for women, children, and families across the nation that aren't necessarily funded by the government but which ARE given freedom to operate without restrictions regarding their pro-life stance.

There is so much more to say about these issues... another post.

Feast of All Souls or "I ain't afraid of no ghosts"

Today the Catholic Church celebrates the Feast of All Souls, when we remember our ancestors and all loved ones who have passed away. Not only do we remember them, we pray for them. Many other Christian churches do not pray for the dead, so what's up, Cat'lics?  Check out Fr. Mike Schmitz's explanation, then I'll add some thoughts:



Yesterday, we celebrated the Feast of All Saints, when we take time to rejoice in the great "cloud of witnesses" who have gone before, leaving us examples of living discipleship, often with great teachings and music. These saints are now in heaven, praying for us. So everyone's praying for everyone. We're all connected through and in the Body of Christ. Just as we ask for prayer from each other, we ask the saints to pray for us.

Another point that Fr. Mike references is that we should NOT EVER try to talk to the dead. That is a big no-no.  Consider this:

1. We are called to trust implicitly in God's mercy and love. This means we don't try to know the future, we don't try to be sure dear old Grandpa is in heaven by asking him, we don't try to assess what it is like in the afterworld out of curiosity or any other motive by contacting the dead. We trust. In essence, our obsessions with knowing the future, knowing about the afterlife etc. is saying "Yeahhhh God, I know you love me, but I don't trust you that much. I gotta find out for myself." This breaks the first Commandment - having other gods, such as my own intellect, my own needs for control, or anything we put on a pedestal and worship (spend time with, elevate above God's love).

We were not created with faculties to know the future. We were created to live in the SACRAMENT OF THE NOW MOMENT. For it is in the now that God is, where we commune with God. Being enveloped by God's mercy, we have no need or desire to know the future, even when our circumstances are difficult.

NB:   This isn't to say that we can't be curious, or wonder, or think about it. These are normal human activities driven by our God-given minds and personalities. But wondering and pondering is a far cry from conjuring the dead.

2. In opening ourselves up to the spirit world by attempting to conjure, communicate, or invoke any type of spirit, we could very easily be inviting in a demonic presence. We know Satan is very good at lying and can present himself as an "angel of light." So if you're trying to talk to dear old Grandpa using a Ouiji board or a medium, or you're trying to "commune with the faerie folk," you are running a great risk of contact with an evil presence. No bueno. God does not want this for you!

3. A more mundane concern is the vast number of con artists who will prey on someone's grief, need to control the future, fear (the opposite of trust in God's mercy), etc.  and make their living at someone else's expense. No one has said that it is not possible to contact the spirit world, just that we shouldn't do it for the reasons stated above. But there are charlatans aplenty; it's all for show and for the money. Don't waste your money or your time.

Not only that, the normal grieving process can be stunted or prolonged unnaturally by allowing a con artist to drag out "messages" from "beyond" that go for a nice price. This is more than just emptying your wallet, it's damaging the natural emotional process that we need to go through.

So if you watch John Edward, don't.

If you go to see a medium to find out if Uncle Jimmy's cancer is gone for good, don't.

If you're invited to go on a "ghost hunt," don't. You don't know what you could be opening yourself up to, and you will probably just be wasting your valuable time. Pray for the dead, don't try to get them on camera to satisfy your curiosity.

Spend time feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, helping those like yourself who may be grief stricken or just bored with nothing better to do. Serve the living in the here and now, pray for them, and pray for our beloved dead.

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, 

and let perpetual light shine upon them.  

May they rest in peace.

Home Sweet Home

Much has happened in these last few months. Jesus has been whispering in my ear...

In a nutshell, I am now the Confirmation and Adolescent Catechesis/Youth Ministry Administrator for the Elmira Catholic Churches. That's right - I'm back in Elmira, the place I despised for so many years. I came here to visit last summer, and the lure was instant - somehow it felt all glowy and attractive. Now that I'm here, the vibe is even stronger. I am where God has longed for me to be!

My work is precious and wonderful, and my lifestyle is more beautiful than I could have imagined. I live at the bottom of a wooded hill, close to work. I can easily buy local produce, hit the Wegmans for necessities, walk along the river, hang out at Harris Hill to watch the gliders take off, and best of all, I am a few minutes' drive from Mount Saviour Monastery (Benedictine monks).

Compline (Night Prayer) at Mount Saviour Monastery.

The freedom I feel inside is indescribable and beautiful, and it grows with each day. Discernment, as I've noted before, is about relationship with God and letting go of my own agenda. I wanted so badly to be a consecrated religious in a monastery. But after 3 monastery live-ins and a couple of other attempts at connecting with religious communities, it just wasn't happening. So finally I gave in and said to God, "Okay, have it your way. I'll move to Elmira and take the job that's been open for months, waiting for me to say 'yes.'"

More to come here now that I'm settled in and am establishing some kind of routine to my life. I've been dealing with another epic tooth fail, so that's also in the mix, but even so, I won't be so alien to my own blog. I have a new life, so it's time to start writing again.

Monastery of St. Clare

I am beginning the third week of my live-in at the Monastery of St. Clare. These two weeks were sadly interrupted by a trip back to Elmira this past week to attend the funeral of my dear Aunt Stella, who was 94. The emotion of processing her death, the weight of grieving, as well as the joy of seeing so many of my cousins I hadn't seen in years, all of it, was very overwhelming. Yesterday I took a quiet day at the monastery (not doing work during the work periods), and today being Sunday is also a quiet afternoon. Tomorrow I will be back to the regular horarium (schedule). 

In the midst of all this, my relationship with Jesus is central. I am living the reality now that no matter what I am called to in this life, my relationship with Jesus is central. It's so easy to say those words, to nod and even say "Well...duh." But living that truth is the challenge of Christian life. In the sea of confusion, emotion, choices, and anguish is the call to ongoing conversion of constantly centering attention on Christ, not on the confusion, the emotion, the choices, the anguish. Bringing these things to Christ doesn't mean staring at them and demanding relief from God (then pinning God to the wall if we aren't satisfied with His answers). It means acknowledging these difficulties, bringing them to Christ and laying them at His feet, surrendering to Him, and then keeping our eyes on Him. That's intimacy, the desire of God for every one of us.

So how do I "look" at Christ? This is the essence of prayer, of mystical prayer. It is an inward gaze, deep within. It is also giving Him permission to be present in others, in my interactions with them, and allowing Him to be present in myself as I move and act and breathe in the world. 

Road leading up to the monastery.

Recently I had a short but spirited conversation with a priest. We were talking about the Church and people's spiritual lives. I lamented that people in my generation and older hadn't been formed (taught) anything other than rote memorization about how to be God's people. He disagreed and lamented that we need to get back to that (Baltimore Catechism-style) instead of the complete lack of formation that he sees in younger generations, including men entering seminary. I think these are two overlapping aspects of  a holistic formation that requires integration. 

I'll use a symbol for the Holy Trinity, as it is Trinity Sunday, to demonstrate how I visualize this.

Mind:  history, theology, catechism, Scripture

 

Spirit:  prayer, mystics'                                            Body: works of mercy, giving 

writings, Scripture, discernment (Ignatian)              time and effort, sharing experience

Ideally, these three areas overlap simultaneously, 

informing and deepening each area as we live more intentionally 

an integrated faith life.

When I was in Catholic schools, everything was rote memorization. Same thing for Confirmation class. And that was it. Where was prayer? Why didn't I learn about the loving God who desires me? Where was the focus on the spiritual life as relationship? I don't recall any of that being presented. Why weren't the mystics - Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, Julian of Norwich, Francis of Assisi, Therese of Lisieux, Catherine of Siena - studied along with Church fathers? What a different experience my early formation would have been! I do recall one very moving retreat (senior year, I think) in which I did actually feel the movement of the Spirit. But that's a reflection with many years' hind sight. At the time, I didn't know what to do with that experience. It would have been helpful to have had an introduction to, say, Ignatian discernment. But alas, these saints, their wisdom and teaching, were only presented if at all as a collection of facts and dates.

https://stmaryssaskatoon.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/trinity-sunday2.jpg

God works in all ways, in all things, and nothing is impossible for God. I believe the Church is currently in a rebirth. The Church is fallible, and horrendous things have been done in and by Church leaders, consecrated and otherwise. I believe our Catholic Church is headed toward a resurgence of communities that will more closely resemble the early Christian communities. Community, prayer, and relationship will be emphasized over huge infrastructures and hierarchies. Don't get me wrong - we need leadership, and we need our Pope. But most of all, we need Eucharist. The Eucharist MUST be the center of our Church, whether we refer to local communities or the Universal Church. 

This morning's Trinity Sunday homily here at the monastery included a very important point: The Holy Spirit shares in what is Christ's, and what is Christ's is the Father's. The Spirit speaks what the Spirit has heard - the truth of Christ, the Father's truth. The Trinity is a mystery, with glimmers of understanding and deep reflection in our soul. But this union of Spirit, Son and Father is really what empowers our Church, not human thinking or striving, though human effort is needed if we are to participate in the Communion of the Trinity. 

What the Church is becoming is inspired by the Holy Spirit, so praying and being open to the movement of the Spirit - tested by Scripture - is our main responsibility in this becoming, just as it was the disciples' and Mother Mary's as they waited for the promised Spirit on Pentecost (which we celebrated last Sunday). And that's what we're called to, ultimately:  Communion with the Trinity. We are made in God's image, after all.