The Flavor of Lent

Another Purple Liturgical Season is upon us. I look out my window at Stella - Nor'easter Stella, that is, not my Aunt Stella, may she Rest in Peace *makes Sign of the Cross* and I think how fortunate I am that I got to:  a) work from home during the two days of this storm, and b) watch St. Francis measuring the powdery snow (not the heavy wet stuff that was predicted, thank you, Jesus).

3/14/17 at 9:18 a.m.                 3/15/17 6:32 p.m.  

After getting my work done and filing my taxes today (yay, me!) I hopped onto Twitter and discovered an article that encapsulates many of my past ramblings.

First, I'll hit you with a quote:

If you can’t see God’s will in the present moment, right where you’re standing, and embrace it then and there, you’ll never discover it for the future.

Now please go read the rest of the article here. 

On Friday, I will take one more turn around the block of discerning a religious vocation. Only I realize that it's certainly not the same block from a year ago or five years ago when I began this journey.  I'm not the same woman I was a year ago - especially since coming back to Elmira. The at-times painful but wondrous healing that is happening here is nothing short of God's own love poured out. He calls me to be poured out, as well, as he does each of this beloved children.

"Hey girl, I got your back. Just
rest in Me, okay?"

This Lent has really brought this home. Just a couple weeks ago I was ranting at God because of poor me wah, wah, wah... and then in one sudden moment realized that Jesus suffered unimaginably. How can I claim he is my Beloved if I won't willingly share in even a teensy taste of the bitter cup, trusting in his Love?

Every time I start to flip out (like, um, doing taxes, or paying bills, or figuring out how to reach a bunch of 14-year-old kids), I am reminded that anxiety is not trusting in the Lord, who has promised that the Father knows what we need. All we need do is seek the Kingdom. All else is provided for. 

And so I'm returning to the Transfiguration Monastery, the Benedictine community I visited almost two years ago on the trip to New York that convinced me to move back to Elmira. My prayer for this trip is simple:  I TRUST IN YOU JESUS. That's it. Not "show me your will" or "please let this be the place" or anything else that puts demands on God.

I am very much looking forward to seeing the Sisters again. The wise advice that Sr. Donald gave me as I was leaving after my first visit was that I needed to discern my own charism - Carmelite, Franciscan, Benedictine, Dominican, etc. I didn't really set out to do that, actually, but as it so happens God has brought me home to the Benedictine way. So with that, and now with a way to deal with my debt, I am returning there for a weekend. I have questions, of course, but mostly I'm just going to listen - with my physical ears and the ear of my soul.

On a more mundane note, I look forward to meeting their new cat, Miss Kitty Boots. The former monastery cat, Miguel, was already old and blind when I met him, and went home to Kitty Heaven last year. It is good that I know about Miss Kitty Boots, so that I will remember to pack my Zyrtec. (And no doubt the Google bots will now ply me with antihistamine ads for having posted that.)