The View Up Here

Of course, here in Rochester, we expect our extra winter days in spring, but still things have been greening up rather nicely. Although I had to bring my potted tomato plantlets in because we have a frost warning tonight. Which, if I'm honest, just ticks me off. I mean, really, May 17 frost? Dude. Some good things are afoot, though, including a new job as a staff writer at the Catholic Courier, getting Korea DreamBus into the next phase (only took me 13 years), and a short story being published next month. One might say my late-blooming bloom is starting to, well, bloom. I'm still not sure what's going on with my short film Dream House, as my DP had to back out and I'm still trying to work out equipment for a shoot in June. If it doesn't happen then, I'll have to reschedule.  Tonight I got to see one of my favorite musical acts play again, the tremendous Old Blind Dogs. What a way to celebrate! I love these guys. I also reconnected with an old friend while at th...

The other day I was at a party at the home of dear friends of mine. One of the party-goers waited until we had all sat down with our paper plates of deliciousness and (I swear) waited for me to shovel a mouthful of food in, and then asked me, "So, as our only Catholic representative, what do you have to say about the ... terrible things going on...?"  It was a moment out of a cartoon, where everyone stopped talking all at once. You could hear a plastic spoon drop. I had inwardly prepared for this moment, because I do know well this particular group of friends. I responded evenly. I looked at him and said, "It's horrific. It's beyond-words-horrific. We need to do better. We will do better, because this is the Church Jesus Christ founded." Someone suggested the cause was "men priests" and others hinted at celibacy as the problem. I wound up the conversation by saying something about the deep need for reform on many levels (without getting into s...

Lord, deliver me from all that robs me of freedom and interior peace. Freedom from enslavement to my fears - not being good enough - being poor - being abandoned Freedom from enslavement to my cravings - food beyond nourishment - comfort instead of fulfilling responsibilities - distraction instead of openness to God's will in my life Freedom from enslavement to the demands of the world - busy busy busy busy busy busy busy - money money money money money money money Freedom from enslavement to status and power - gotta look good for others to judge - can't let anyone get the drop on me - gotta be in control - can't be caught looking foolish The enemy plies each and every one of these fears against me. Lord, deliver me from evil. Grant me freedom to embrace you in my daily life, the life of moments. Freedom to do what I ought - righteousness in the sight of the Lord yah, not my own righteousness the righteousness of Jesus Christ who transforms me ...

Well you can't very well write about Good Friday and not write about Easter! I spent the weekend with a good friend in Binghamton, so am just getting around to writing a bit tonight. On my drive back from Binghamton, this prayer entered my heart: "Lord, let me see myself in the Light of Your Resurrection." Our ideas about our lives and our very personhood are too often determined by others, when the only Person who can speak who we are is God. A God who knows the realities of human existence, but who offers the final Word - LIFE. There is joy, humility and peace here. The joy of knowing that humanity is resurrected in Christ, and that by His stripes, I am healed.  I went to Easter Sunday Mass at my friend's church, and although I knew no one else besides my friend, I felt totally at home and welcomed. People had friendly faces and friendly spirits (oh that it were so in every Catholic parish!). But it soon became clear that we chose to sit near a family with ...

I just finished a marvelous week with my family in Massachusetts and would be feeling refreshed if I weren't so tired. Actually, I do feel refreshed. My mind is clear and my spirit is refreshed, even if I need to go to bed earlier than my grand nephews' and grand niece's bedtime. However, I feel the need to blog since a couple things hit me during the past week that deserve airing. A close family member of mine is asking the tough questions about God, including, "If he's all-loving, why does God allow suffering of innocents?" The question was asked not as a philosophical exercise, but with righteous anger. Appropriately so. We should be angry at injustice and suffering. If we're not, we need to take Human lessons. Tonight as I was washing dishes in a daze, the answer rose up in my mind in a phrase: God allows suffering so that we can love. Allow me to 'splain. God has given humanity free will to either love each other or hurt each other. Thro...

Today the Catholic Church celebrates the Feast of All Souls, when we remember our ancestors and all loved ones who have passed away. Not only do we remember them, we pray for them. Many other Christian churches do not pray for the dead, so what's up, Cat'lics?  Check out Fr. Mike Schmitz's explanation, then I'll add some thoughts: Yesterday, we celebrated the Feast of All Saints, when we take time to rejoice in the great "cloud of witnesses" who have gone before, leaving us examples of living discipleship, often with great teachings and music. These saints are now in heaven, praying for us. So everyone's praying for everyone. We're all connected through and in the Body of Christ. Just as we ask for prayer from each other, we ask the saints to pray for us. Another point that Fr. Mike references is that we should NOT EVER try to talk to the dead. That is a big no-no.  Consider this: 1. We are called to trust implicitly in God's mercy and love...

Monastery of St. Clare I am beginning the third week of my live-in at the Monastery of St. Clare. These two weeks were sadly interrupted by a trip back to Elmira this past week to attend the funeral of my dear Aunt Stella, who was 94. The emotion of processing her death, the weight of grieving, as well as the joy of seeing so many of my cousins I hadn't seen in years, all of it, was very overwhelming. Yesterday I took a quiet day at the monastery (not doing work during the work periods), and today being Sunday is also a quiet afternoon. Tomorrow I will be back to the regular horarium (schedule).  In the midst of all this, my relationship with Jesus is central. I am living the reality now that no matter what I am called to in this life, my relationship with Jesus is central. It's so easy to say those words, to nod and even say "Well...duh." But living that truth is the challenge of Christian life. In the sea of confusion, emotion, choices, and anguish is the ...

An quick update on discernment and life in general... In a nutshell, last week I found out that I need another root canal. I don't mind telling you I was angry as all get out. Root canals are a little piece of hell on earth as far as I'm concerned. Then this week I was informed that NYS Medicaid will not pay for it. Instead of being (rightfully) outraged at socialized medicine that won't pay for something as necessary as a root canal, I am trying instead to be grateful that Medicaid paid for the routine exam and cleaning so that I didn't walk around with a face full of infection for months without knowing it. In any case, my options are: pay OOP, get the tooth pulled, or take a chance on antibiotics killing the infection. I'm going with the first option, but I do not have regular work because since moving back to NYS, I've been making a whole lot of space and time for traveling to discern with various communities. I have been relying with immense gratit...

This Christmas and New Year's Eve, I am spending time with family and old friends in Massachusetts. I'm always happy to return to the place where I grew up, enjoy the holidays with loved ones, and worship in the very church where I received my First Holy Communion.  Fr. Jim's homily at Christmas yesterday was short on time but long on meaning. The closing of his homily was an encouragement to hang on to Jesus as an anchor . I love this analogy, as so often it does feel like we are tossed around by big waves, storms, wind, and the uncertainties of where we are going.  From the Catholic News Agency , quoting Pope Francis in his Christmas homily: ...the Pope asked that we open our hearts to receive the grace offered on Christmas Day, “which is Christ himself.” Jesus, he said, “is the radiant day which has dawned on the horizon of humanity. A day of mercy , in which God our Father has revealed his great tenderness to the entire world. A day of light, which dispels...

I'll start with this quote from Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P. (Dominican priest) from CatholicAnswers (website and radio). He's quoted as saying/writing: The Lord told us to ask for what we need—not because he doesn’t already know, but that we come to him in love, humbly acknowledging our complete dependence on him—and willingly accepting whatever and however he chooses to respond. The prayer of petition is a matter of loving trust and absolutely nothing else. To that I would add that God wants us to co-create with God. My charismatic community in L.A. taught me the phrase "agreeing in prayer," which means that we are agreeing with each other and with God's will (whatever that may be) for the best possible outcome - even if it's not the one we'd prefer. This acknowledges that God sees far more than we can in our limited scope, while offering ourselves as a community and individually to be God's presence to others in a difficult situation, as God longs ...

A friend posted this on Facebook today, and it took my breath away with its honesty and exactitude. All I can say in answer to this 11/17/15 blog post by John Paplovitz is: YES. THAT. WHAT HE SAID. http://johnpavlovitz.com/2015/11/17/freeing-christians-from-americhristianity/ *NB I had copied the full text of his post and put it up here, but then I decided it wasn't cool to do that without permission. Please visit the link to read his statement in full.

10 ways to love, according to the Scripitures. Dust off your #Bible and start loving! pic.twitter.com/Ct4kTSFaAT — CatholicLink English (@catholink) November 17, 2015 Loving is a way of being in the world, a disposition, and a choice. Similar in concept and practice are  The Four Agreements .

As you know if you read this blog, I am discerning a religious vocation, which means that I feel the call to become a religious sister. A nun, actually, meaning that I am called to contemplative life. Daughters of Charity of St. Vincent DePaul http://stpatricksconventschool.blogspot.com /2012/03/three-nuns-at-ball-game.html Some folks, well many folks, still think of nuns as circa 1955 with flying buttresses on their heads, vows of silence, self-flagellation, and other eerie and dysfunctional behaviors. For certain, there were some practices that have been done away with. Others never really existed in the first place.  Active apostolate sisters have been out in the world with and without modified habits for longer than you think. But contemplatives are still out there too, in monasteries both rural and urban. I encourage you to look around in your local diocese or archdiocese for women's monastic orders and get to know them by going to Mass there, or even staying ove...

I have no good excuse for not writing here. Reasons, yes, but laziness combined with a certain obsession with re-watching the Battlestar Galactica reboot from the mid 2000s really took up a lot of time that could've been spent elsewhere. So why the BSG binging? I'd been hankering to see it again, and after listening to some of the soundtrack on YouTube, I decided to dive in. What did I glean the 2nd time around? I didn't dislike the ending as much as I did the first time. I still have some issues with plot holes you could fly a, well, a battlestar through, and it still made no sense why Cavill would off himself at the end. But seeing the mixed human-Cylon settlers on "new Earth" decide to start over made sense to me, and it resonated on a personal level. How many of us want a "do-over" in our lives, or at least in some situation in our lives? The good news is this: we DO get to start fresh. Because when you reconcile with God, the sins and mistakes o...

Easter Sunday has come and gone, but the joy of living in the Risen Christ is ever alive, ever new, ever potent. Lent of 2015 was centered in the theme of surrender  for me. Now in the Easter season, I am praying for the grace to surrender in joy.  In our world, I think the idea of surrender has unfortunate connotations of failure, giving up, walking away. In reality, as a Christian, it means giving over all I am, all I fear, all I desire; it means handing off to Christ all that is broken and damaged in me, as well as all that is beautiful in me - that which God created. It also means letting God be God in my life (a theme I write about frequently on this blog), and not letting myself become discouraged by my mistakes, my falls, my sins. As St. Paul has urged us, we are to persevere. It doesn't matter what I am, in a sense - broken, sinful, sad, etc. - because what really matters is that Jesus has paid the ultimate price for my redemption, and He wants me to live in Him, ...

My, my, my how time flies. The school year has ended, all my work is done. Tomorrow I leave for two splendid weeks of discernment, living in a Carmelite monastery in San Diego, across these three beautiful feasts of the Church. Can it be true? How did I get here? I hardly know... except to say by the magnificent, grandiose, spoil-me-rotten grace of God. I have specifically been asking to know the Holy Spirit more intimately. Holy Spirit is, to my mind, "the mover and the shaker" in the Trinity. The Father is Creator and Being, Jesus Messiah is Redeemer and Rest, and it is in His Body that I rest. So we have upcoming: Pentecost Sunday, Holy Trinity Sunday, and the Feast of the Most Holy Body and Blood of Christ (Corpus Christi). In fact it was exactly one year ago on Trinity Sunday that I first went to to the Carmel to visit - Carmel of the Most Holy Trinity. Come, Holy Spirit, come! The past year was really rough - those girls got to my heart and I ached and I spilled...

http://soul-h2o.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Resurrection I really had meant to write more here during Holy Week, but it just didn't end up happening that way. I had taken a day off from work to give me 5 entire days off, and I ended up sleeping for 2 of those days, and then the rest of the time, my heart was full and focused on the Lord, alone. What a blessing, what a way of life! Coming back to one of my jobs this week has been a shock to the system, as it were, and of course next week, both jobs will be in force, so I'm a little nervous about how my system will respond. Silence, stillness, quiet adoration and prayer... these are the ways that let me thrive. The Lord has showered me with blessings and new insights and understandings that have taken deep root, and they are in essence over shadowing and pushing out the old weeds of fear, anxiety and pride. Slowly, He works in my heart and mind and spirit to show me that I am precious to Him, that my life has meaning ...

At long last, I've finished something.  Happy Valentines Day!

Kind of like the commercials with the buff dude who says "I'm on a horse," only I'm not buff, nor a dude, and the metaphor I'm working with is locomotive, not equestrian. I'll get around to explaining this, don't worry. Time to get real:  I've been having a hard time in the last few weeks. I've been feeling pretty ragged, emotionally, spiritually, physically. I'm working two jobs, driving 200 miles a week to and from said jobs, and trying to coax all the moving parts of my life to work in harmony (financial parts, discernment parts, writing parts, teaching parts, etc.). It's a lot. And I miss my sweet little Spaz kitteh, who's been gone almost two months, now.  I'm better off than I was last year, because I'm doing things that I love, but I've still been obsessed with the gaping maw of "what am I really doing with my life?" It is, after all, a journey of discernment. And it's a sacred journey, as the subtit...