That Scottish guy and his four year old daughter: A response

A few days ago on Facebook, I posted a video by a Scottish guy sitting in the front seat of his car, his 4 year old daughter in the back, her telling him that if she wants a boyfriend, she's gonna have a boyfriend, and him telling her he's going to commit violence to said boyfriend and his da. Then he tells her she's going to be a nun (as in, not have a boyfriend or husband), and shows her his cross pendant to let her know "who she'll be working for." I have since deleted that post (the video) along with the comments that people posted (unavoidable if I was to take down the video in the original post).

To those I offended by reposting that video - I apologize to you. 

When I first saw this video, I thought it was funny and not at all to be taken seriously. The guy was clearly (to me) being over the top and tongue in cheek in his role as the over-protective father. I got the feeling that this was a routine or skit these two might play out, as the responses and reactions seemed very practiced. 

People commented (both on my post and elsewhere on Fb) that the video was an exemplification of patriarchy, and that the father should be dialoging when it comes to dating/sex instead of trying to force his daughter to conform to his expectations of purity and control of her body (what she does and with whom she does it). At first I didn't get this perspective, but after more consideration, I could understand how some would take this view, and how women who as children had over-bearing fathers threatening future theoretical boyfriends might be bothered by the vid.

Then I had a realization that I was, on another level, uncomfortable with this video, myself. But not for the exact same reasons:

• Using religion to threaten personhood on any level is not okay. Period. In particular, the Cross, a symbol of love, sacrifice, and mercy, should never be used as a symbol of control or persecution. Ever. Even in jest. If it is, the person(s) has a lot to learn about what it means to follow Jesus and have a love-relationship with God and others.
• There exists an erroneous idea that dating and marriage are less than a consecrated celibate life. This is absolutely 100% wrong and is not the teaching of the Church. Marriage is a vocation as precious and holy as becoming a nun or a priest.
• Why is a four year old girl so insistent about having a boyfriend? Perhaps watching older siblings, there is an awareness of having a "significant other," and the idea could therefore be normalized at a young age. Fine. But here's the reality check:  We live in a hyper-sexualized culture in which children - YOUNG children - are inundated with sexual images and the omni-present quest for the "hook up" - not the premise of dating as a means of learning about yourself, about others, about how to establish intimacy and boundaries, about how to be healthy, etc. Middle schoolers are having oral sex these days, we are told. Why? Because a) they don't know what they're doing, b) they think it is normal, c) parents are checked out. We have become so jaded and desensitized to the hyper-sexualized pressures in every aspect of our media and culture that we may not even realize the issue exists. It exists. A four year old girl demanding to have a boyfriend SHOULD elicit parental response. But, instead of making a mockery of the issue by posting videos like this one, we can do more to protect and educate our young children about these images, suggestions, and the throw-away culture of "the hook up." 
• It is always best to talk with children and young people about dating and sex (age-appropriately, of course). This includes a well-formed holistic view of sexuality. Neither "you're entering a convent when you're 17 so don't even think about boys" nor "have recreational sex with whomever you please (at whatever age), just make sure you use a condom/birth control to protect against STDs and pregnancy, because that's the only real issue at hand here." It is a parent's responsibility to teach right and wrong, not to be controlling, but to give young people a guideline for empowered choices in the future.
• We have a responsibility to raise sons who may become fathers to be capable of having that conversation with their own daughters and sons. Most (not all) men of a certain age don't have the tools to have a conversation about sexuality. And let's face it, most daughters will go to their mothers for that kind of talk - so we also have to empower our daughters who may become mothers to be able to guide and teach, not control and threaten. 

Sad commentary, call to write

I'm at school right now, subbing for a religion class of Senior girls. I decided to conduct a little informal research in the form of an oral questionnaire. There are 34 girls in this class today, and of those 34, only one had heard of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Then I explained to them what the image was, and most of then nodded as if they'd seen the image before. I asked them if they knew anything about it. Only this one girl could respond. Here's what she said:

Oh, isn't that where there is blood and water coming out? The water is because wasn't he given nasty water to drink? And the blood.... symbolizes something else.

I asked them where they had seen this image. Almost unanimously, they reported that they'd seen it at their grandmother's home. Many of these girls are being raised by their grandmothers, in fact, so it only shows that religious art and symbols, while present, may mean nothing to them.

I didn't lecture them on the Sacred Heart of Jesus, but I encouraged them to ask their grandmothers about this devotion.

I am saddened, but I am also emboldened in my desire to write a book that renews the devotion of the Sacred Heart of Jesus for young women. I have already 58 pages written, but these pages need some significant work, by far. 

Perhaps this is where my gift of writing needs to be focused, rather than fiction and tales of the imagination. There's plenty of fiction and tales of the imagination in the world. As far as my research has shown, there is not much in the way of Catholic devotion aimed specifically at teenage/20s girls/women that isn't focused on Purity.

I talked to a publishing rep at the L.A. Congress last weekend, and she expressed some interest in this project. Perhaps God's been telling me all along where He wants my gifts to be placed. I've just been too distracted by my own imagination to hear Him.