Shining

After returning from my recon mission to L.A., I slid into a definite slump. Feeling scared and alone and unsure of myself. Ithaca's weather didn't help, I guarantee you that. It was overwhelming to return to the life here that I am in the process of closing out, knowing that I still have much to do before I move to L.A. on January 5th.

I haven't blogged about this before, but part of this move is about separating from my husband. We've been married for six and a half years, but it's time for both of us to move on. I won't get into specifics and dirty laundry, because I am not into public drama, but I will say that while I am grieving the end of this chapter in my life, I am bursting out of my skin with anticipation for the next chapter. The one I'm creating on my own, rooted in my dreams and my desires.

Here's what's amazing about all this: I'm making this very big move, knowing that I might fail, but also knowing that I may succeed beyond my wildest dreams. I've never been clearer in my life that there was someplace I needed to be, something I needed to be doing. This strength of vision and purpose is pushing me along like a current. Who am I to fight it?

During this challenging (but exciting!) transition period, I've adopted a new mantra:

Everything is an opportunity.

And I mean everything. For example, last night I went to a workshop for artists on how to make the most of social media. As I was getting ready to go, I caught a candid glimpse of my paunch in the mirror before I had a chance to suck in my gut, which I usually do before I look at my own profile. Horrifying.

I pushed it out of my mind and got dressed to go to the workshop. Which was fairly useless in its appeal to absolute beginners (what is Facebook? what's a profile? what's a page? - yeah, I'm all set thanks). I left after 45 minutes.

As soon as I walked out the door, my mind went back to the image of me in the mirror, and I remembered that my Planet Fitness bag was still in the trunk of the car (since last spring). As soon as I got to the car, I opened the trunk and checked out the contents of the bag: trainers, check, pants, check, sports bra, check, Ithaca League of Women Rollers tank top, check, jacket, check, lock and key, check. I didn't have clean socks in there, but I figured I could just wear the ones I had on. No one would see my argyles under the yoga pants, right? I had my water bottle and my iPod with me, so without further ado, I got in my car and drove straight to Planet Fitness.

I met with a trainer (read about what happened with last year's attempt at working with a PF trainer), who set me up with an awesome routine that is doable and focuses on strengthening my core and my legs. I'm set for 3 nights a week, about an hour per session. Rock. On.

I turned a disappointing evening into a night of awesomesauce!

I've applied this approach to every situation I've run into this week, and I gotta say, it beats the hell out of feeling stressed and out of sorts when things don't go as expected.

"Everything is an opportunity" goes hand-in-hand with my other favorite mantra from Apolo Ohno, "Zero Regrets." How can you have any regrets if you meet every circumstance as an opportunity?

It's also a fairly Buddhistly bent notion. We Buddhists like to thank our enemies for giving us a chance to practice Dharma, but I've always had difficulty bending my mind around that one. I've had a tough time saying to myself,

"Even though you're being a total dickhead right now, I am grateful that you are offering me a chance to practice loving kindness in the face of your ass-hat behavior."

Call me small-minded, call me weak. Call me a taxi, I don't care. For me, viewing everything in life as an opportunity is really saying the same thing, and for whatever reason, the concept works for me. I feel like I'm opening doors and windows that previously had been nailed shut by my own hard-line, piss-pot attitudes.

And so, to wrap this up, I will share one of my favorite songs that echoes this post: