The View Up Here

It's already been a week since my last post! How did that happen? Let's see if I can recap the week. Well, I did end up taking a break from pounding the cyber-pavement, because I really needed some time to collect myself, ground, and refocus in a positive way. I found myself being too strung out and worried about the wrong things to create a productive "go with the flow" approach to building my next career move (notice how I don't say "find a job"). I went for acupuncture twice at the Eagle Rock Community Acupuncture clinic, which is part of the same national network of community acupuncture clinics as the Ithaca one I'd been going to. It was a bit different from the Ithaca clinic - a little more energized and "California" (not surprising) and less of the "calm, nurturing, womb-like" Ithaca experience. Not better or worse, just different. The acupuncturist, Valerie, is perceptive, intuitive, and man I can't feel a thing...

Yesterday was three years without Mom. Yesterday was awful, for many other reasons, and interestingly enough, I wasn't even consciously aware of the date. Yet, in the midst of the roiling storm produced by the email volley (previous post), I kept thinking of Mom, how much I wish she were alive to advise me and console me, and I missed her achingly, acutely, as if she had just left. Clearly, I was aware of the date on some level. Another reminder not to let the sturm und drang distract me from the moments that make up life. I love you, Mom.

And I don't mean World of Warcraft. Okay, people, from the events of this morning, I believe the damn has broken, and I'm getting back with the flow instead of crashing up against solid rock as I have been for two and a half weeks. You'll recall in my last posting the fact that I made a very basic mistake in a cover letter. So, I have learned a few things from that situation. Namely, that I have to stop trying so hard and give myself a chance to just be alive for a while. I know that sounds all corny and, well, California (okay, it also sounds like Ithaca). But really, I've been busily trying to fix everything - my relationship, other people's fucked-up-ness, my own fucked-up-ness, getting the PERFECT job that will lead me down the path of righteousness and wild success. After flying across the country with my cat to start a new life in a new land. Jeebus, that's kind of a lot. For one person. In two weeks. Okay, but here's the kicker. HOW I figured this ...

So I better not fuck it up. I got a job lead for a part-time position at some small, independent production company, and I was so excited over it (read: anxious) that I whipped off a cover and resume immediately, which was around 8:30 a.m. on Friday. By Saturday afternoon I had a rejection email in my inbox, and the tone of it was quite snarky, so I inquired for more details, and I was told in an even snarkier tone that I'd spelled her company name wrong, therefore it was rushed and I had no attention to detail. I made the classic, #1 FUCK UP in a job search. This brought me to tears - how stupid can I be? But the truth is, it WAS rushed, because I constantly feel this burning urgency, born of fear, that if I don't jump on every lead RIGHT NOW, I'm going to lose everything and get nowhere. This kind of anxiety results in skipping through the details. And how many other letters did I send out with mistakes? Maybe none, maybe all. I don't even want to think about...

I've got a routine down, and Spaz is getting used to being more of an indoor kitteh. I realized yesterday I haven't even been here 2 weeks. I really do expect a lot out of myself and my circumstances; I have to remember that as Don put it, "Slow and steady wins the race." I now have a local phone number, which was necessary because apparently no one will even consider you for a job if you have a weird area code like, say, 607. They want to know you live in town to start ASAP, I guess. Seems stupid, as many people retain cell numbers when they move and it doesn't mean they don't live here. But that's how it is, so there you go. Work on Black Doves is moving apace; I aim to have the first draft completed by end of the month. I have a new idea for a screenplay waiting in the wings; currently doing some research to get notes going for that when the deck is clear. But it's not all writing and job searching! Last weekend, my friend TL took me to the...

Next Wednesday, I'll go see The Artist at a Disney screening, courtesy of my awesome roommate, who's a 2D animator at the Mouse House.

Going to see this Sunday night.

But at least I'm here... watching Babylon 5, which, incredibly is 15 years old. I'm part-way through season 2, and I am really impressed with its "novel for television" storytelling. The Battlestar Galactica reboot owed A LOT to B5. The drag is waiting for Netflix to get me the next disc. Last night I watched 3 episodes and killed half a bottle of wine. This morning I polished off the 4th episode on the disc (I bet you thought I was gonna say I polished off the other half of the wine, din't you?) ADDENDUM: In searching for an appropriate B5 photo, I came across a spoiler I didn't want to see. Do you know how hard it is not to cross paths with spoilers from a show that was aired 15 years ago? Drats! I will be spending my afternoon with more job searching, which I did all day yesterday until my eyeballs were hanging out of their sockets. Online job searching is hellish, people, I'm here to tell you this fact. Cover letters are even worse. It's like ...

Okay, maybe not downtown, but definitely Burbank, and definitely beautiful. To pick up my spirits after grappling with the personal drama of the last few days, I decided to go for a walk. I just did a 30 minute loop, but it was exactly what my mind and body needed, and I accomplished the small goal I'd set for myself in finding a little neighborhood park called "Mountain View Park," aptly named for its view of the mountains, and located not far from the mammoth- sized Griffith Park. I am so pasty white, I glow. So many options for landscaping here: cacti, or... Lemon trees! Thus far I have gotten myself and Spaz pretty well settled in, though I am still looking for a desk. I think I will be buying one used from - get this - a former student of mine, and one of the best writers I know, who has been here for a couple years but has decided to go to grad school back East. Cosi fan tutti. Shopping has been interesting here. I now have a Ralph's card (grocery store) and ...

I haven't quite processed the fact that I live in L.A. Perhaps that will happen when I get a job. For now, though, my apartment is lovely, my roommate is wonderful, and my Spaz kitty is adjusting quite well. Her need to go outside all the time seems to be replaced with sitting in windows for hours every day. I was so worried she wouldn't make the transition, but she's a trooper and I am so grateful that she's with me. Here she is lounging in my room. Notice the sunshine pouring in through the window. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted, and I ended up with a cold by the time I landed in L.A. Thursday night. My last day in Ithaca wasn't at all what I wanted it to be, but it's all behind me now. Moving forward. Or at least, allowing myself time to rest and get my bearings before I charge full steam ahead.