As I alluded to in Day 2's list of appreciation, I've been learning to appreciate the art of letting go of expectations. I call it an 'art' because I truly believe it is something that needs to be practiced to be realized. It needs to be applied to be understood. Like learning to paint, all the instruction manuals and inspirational trips to the Louvre and exquisite art supplies and even raw talent won't make you an artist, a painter. Likewise, there are stacks upon stacks of books and articles, free pod-casts, and inspirational lectures by Some Famous Guru, PhD at $100 a head that will try to tell us why we should and how we can let go of expectations.
Screw all that. Here's how we do it: We just do it.
Enough molly coddling and over-thinking and whining to your therapist. When you feel yourself getting irritated at anything - yourself for breaking another coffee mug, the chick in front of you at the packy counting out her dimes while you wait to buy a six-pack of Sam's Summer that you fucking EARNED after the week YOU'VE had, the washing machine's dance across the floor in the sudsy backwash, your son's latest transgression at school, your writer's block, your cat who won't stop pestering you to go outside - STOP. Ask yourself one question: "What expectation of mine is being upended, here?" Identify it and make a conscious decision to drop the expectation. The situation may or may not resolve itself to your satisfaction, but what you're training yourself to do is to stop expecting so damn much from the entire world, including yourself.
Our world has led us into believing that we deserve everything that is good and nothing that is bad. Current pop psychology tells us we need to take control, make our dreams come true come hell or high water. We need to grab that bull by the horn and fucking MAKE IT DO WHAT WE WANT IT TO SO WE GET WHAT WE EXPECT. But guess what? We can't do all that. No one can. Not even Thor, and he has the power of thunder and a wicked heavy hammer (also, he's really really hot). If Thor has to become humbled and stop expecting the Universe to fulfill his demands, certainly we mere mortals do.
When we don't get what we expect, we are hard on everyone. We feel betrayed, even. How ridiculous is that? We put a lot of pressure on ourselves and everything and everyone around us to be 100% perfect and in accordance with our supremely self- centered expectations. Those expectations we apply have deep roots in our past, our childhoods, etc. You can follow them back in time if you want, but my advice is not to get lost back there in the mists of "first hurts." Work on catching yourself doing it in the now, and go from there.
Dropping expectation is just the first stop. Cultivating compassion is next. Have compassion for the woman who's making you wait in line by counting out her dimes because she's poor and spending her last bit of change on a bottle of cheap booze. Have compassion for the people who've gotten into that horrible accident on the 405 thus making you 30 minutes late for your mani-pedi. Let's stop whining about our expectations that shit's gotta go our way, and realize that we're all in this together, and the sooner we stop expecting the golden egg, the sooner we will be happy with the plain brown one, and realize how perfect it really is in its own right.
Next time on The Art of Life: The Culture of Snark.
