Personal suffering: Is it really good for the soul?

It's been quite a week. Had the flu last week, missed a lot, had to catch up. This week had its own challenges, and I found myself again tossed and rolled in the rapids. I don't mean to sound like a drama queen, but the only word for how I was reacting to the events of the week was "suffering." I've been praying for months to learn how to suffer. Because we know that this world is not perfect, we know that we can expect a certain amount of suffering. But what do we do with that suffering? Do we simply bitch and moan? Cause that's what I usually do! Admit it...how many of us complain, whine, have a couple drinks at the end of the day because "today was too much" or "my life sucks" or "why is this (insert bad thing) happening to me?"

The human condition, right? Doesn't matter who you are, how much you own, who is in your family, where you live, what language you speak, who you pray to (or if you pray), or how much you plan. This is the human condition. Period.

As a Catholic, I grew up learning that suffering can be a holy experience. Yeah, right!

More recently, I've been focusing on this. There's got to be something to this teaching about suffering. I started praying about it, reading excerpts from St. Therese and St. Faustina and other spiritual giants.  I know that recognizing our suffering helps us to be compassionate to others' suffering (and Christianity certainly doesn't have the corner on that very wise truth!). Nevertheless, as soon as something unfortunate would come up, I'd immediately go to my whiny place.

I'd cry and thrash and there would be wailing and gnashing of teeth. Then after some time, I'd calm down and pray, and then feel the Peace of Messiah in my heart. What a gift, what a grace, that He would allow me to have a temper tantrum like a child, then gather me into His arms and console me. I certainly didn't deserve such sweetness, yet over and over, He would calm me and bring me to Himself.

As awesome as this is, I also knew in my heart that I was still missing an incredibly blessed opportunity whenever the causes of suffering arose for me. I begged God to show me how to suffer well.

And He did. When suffering arises for any reason - grief, sadness, anger, feelings of abandonment, frustration - I look to Yeshua. I look to Him in my heart. It's actually a kind of looking...turning my attention, my soul's eyes to Him. And I feel/know that He is actually participating in and experiencing MY SUFFERING that very moment. And in that moment, I understand deeply that I am experiencing and participating in HIS PASSION. This exchange is one of True Love. And immediately, the cutting, slicing edges of my pain are dissolved. I'm with Him. And I hear and know that the Father is taking care of me, the situation, the outcome. I have nothing to fear. This is my experience of union with Messiah.

I don't know if it is exactly what St. Teresa or St. John of the Cross wrote about, but it is revolutionary in my life. I can't claim that I can do this every single time I am faced with suffering, but I have been able to do it, with the grace of the Holy Spirit. Most certainly, this is a "work in progress." I know from St. Teresa that once this kind of movement begins in our hearts, God will continue to heal and move the heart until it is how we experience every moment of our lives.

This movement is starting to manifest in a specific way. I have historically been ruffled and resistant to being told what to do or how to do it. I want to do things my way, and I overlay my definitions of idealistic perfection onto situations and people. And yeah, I cause a lot of my own suffering in this way! But lately, I've noticed that I am more able to recognize when I do this, and then I can ask God to soften my edges, allow me to experience the moment as it is and share it with Him. This is a form of obedience and love. And it is freedom.