More Discernment FAQ

Thank you for those who sent in more questions! Here are my best attempts at answering them.

1. "Anonymous" asked about celibacy, especially for a person who had led a sexually active life in the past. It's one thing to enter a celibate lifestyle as a virgin, it's another to have been married, etc. and then choose a life of consecrated celibacy. What about the aspect of being "best friends" with your husband - the emotional intimacy, private jokes, etc. How does one give that up or explain to a younger woman that she is giving all that up if she wants to be a nun?

These are excellent points and questions, and they speak to a few truths about living the celibate life. 

• The celibate life is only a good thing if you are called to it! This is part of what is discerned by the woman and the proposed community. If someone who is called to live married life tries to live a celibate life, she probably will become bitter and won't be best able to live in a way that allows God's reign in her heart and soul to manifest in her world. If someone is called to consecrated life, there exists a purposeful desire to give oneself wholly to God, precluding any other human relationships. That's part of the "mystical" aspect of this life.
• If someone has been married, the marriage must be annulled by the Church before either spouse may enter into another marriage or form of religious life (priest, nun, monk, etc.). This annulment ensures that the marriage wasn't a good match in the first place (for a variety of possible reasons), and therefore acknowledges that the people involved are meant for another state of life - either marriage with another person, singlehood, or consecrated celibacy. But this means that an examination of the current and desired state of life is conducted - including the question of whether living a consecrated life of celibacy is part of the call.
• Yes, giving up sex is part of being celibate. But it's not simply a "giving up." The person who wants to live a consecrated celibate life acknowledges the beauty of sex in marriage and the importance of that kind of intimacy when it is a person's vocation. But the consecrated celibate also experiences a deep and mysterious intimacy with God, specifically in Jesus Christ, that lives on a mystical plane. I have a hard time explaining this one, other than to say, again, that if one is called to it, the relationships with sisters/brothers in community and the intimacy in relationship to God are more than enough to fulfill the desire for companionship.
• For more on this, I suggest a book called Sex God, written by Rob Bell.

2. Another questioner asked "what if you go to that monastery and find out it's not for you?" This is a question I've been asking myself!  The answer is quite simple:  I don't know.

Seriously, I won't know until I get there. The live-in month with the Poor Clares in Andover is to discern life with them, but also to discern if there is something else God may be calling me to. Perhaps it's another form of life - religious but active, not monastic. Perhaps it's in another monastery (like the Poor Clares of Wappingers Falls, NY), or even the Carmelites in San Diego (though I rather doubt that). Or maybe I'll feel the tug to get a Certificate in Theology Studies and teach catechism somewhere as a lay person. I just won't know until I spend at least a couple weeks in January and get a read on things.

This is, as you might imagine, occasionally stressful, to have such an open-ended future. But for me, it's worth all the intermittent freak-outs of "what am I doing with my life?" because what I'm tracking down is the truth of who I am, who I was born to be. Ultimately, it will lead me to a higher place than just "winging it" through life.

Nerd alert!

For those of you who watched Battlestar Galactica, the reboot of the mid-

Starbuck with her "spiritual director," Leoben.

2000s, remember when Starbuck was trying to find the Fleet's way back to Earth, and all she had was a gut feeling? When Adama took the Fleet in another direction, it physically and mentally pained her. And the further they got from the source of her inner beacon, the more in pain she became. I think that is a perfect analogy of discernment. When you're off course, you know it. It feels wrong. And choices you make that aren't in yours and the world's best interest don't lead you to do God's will, but to do your own, and they end up making things far more painful. It was only when Adama allowed Kara to follow her gut instinct, the supernatural "knowledge" of where to go, that she felt like things were going to be okay. Not only that, but as she was searching, every one else doubted her vision. Yet her vision brought them exactly where they needed to be - much to everyone's surprise!

Thanks for the questions! Keep 'em coming.