Gramma Lena's Sauce

My grandmother's name was Archangelena, but everyone either called her Lena or Cambio. Her sauce was indescribable. She taught my mom how to make it, and Mom, despite being Irish, made one helluva sauce, too. Mine isn't as good as Lena's; there was some kind of Gramma Magic involved with hers.* But still, it's a damned good way to spend a Sunday afternoon with friends and family.

I've written this with the absolute beginner in the kitchen in mind, so for those of you more advanced cooks, please ignore the extra descriptions.

This makes 2-4 servings, depending upon who's eating and how many young bachelors are at the table.

YOU WILL NEED:

A wine glass, a sharp knife, a blender, a large pot for the sauce , a huge-ass pot for the pasta, a strainer, and a spatter shield and huge-ass serving dish (both optional). You will also need implements for stirring and tasting.

INGREDIENTS:

• 4-5 roma tomatoes (Romas are the sort of oblong tomatoes, rather than the fat and round ones.)
• 2 cans tomato paste (preferably Roma, but any kind will work)
• olive oil (extra virgin is best but is also expensive so the cheap kind will do)
• 1/2 teaspoon crushed garlic in olive oil (from a jar), or garlic powder. You can of course use fresh garlic, but you have to pull off a clove, crush it a little to remove the outer skin, then dice up the clove itself, which is tedious and a pain in the ass.
• roughly a cup of water
  
• finely chopped onion (optional)
• lots of oregano
• basil (dried or fresh)
• 1 bay leaf (if you have it, if not it's fine)
• salt to taste
• pepper to taste
• glop of red wine or sherry
• teaspoon of honey (sugar will do)

DIRECTIONS:

1. Pour yourself a glass of the red wine to sip on while you cook. This is an important step not to be skipped.
2. Wash the tomatoes - often there's a waxy coating if they're not organic (run under the tap and just use your fingers to rub away the waxy coating under the water). If they're organic they still need a rinse.
3. Chop the tomatoes into big chunks and throw those suckers in a blender with about half a cup of water. You can make them as chunky or pureed as you like. Don't make it really watery - you just want enough to allow the blender to work.
   
4. Into your large sauce pot, pour some olive oil on med-low heat, put in the garlic to saute, but DON'T let it get browned (burned). If you're doing the onions, throw them in as well to saute. If you burn the garlic, toss it out and start over. Believe me, it DOES make a difference.
5. Add the chunky/pureed tomatoes and the paste to the pot, then the seasoning, wine, and honey. Stir until everything is fairly uniform. You should add some water until it's around the consistency you like. Keep in mind some water will boil off during the cook-down, but don't make it too watery or it'll suck.
6. Get it to a healthy simmer on medium, then lower the heat and let it be for as long as you can. The longer, the better. Don't cover it with a lid, but if you have one of those spatter shield things, that'll help with clean up.
7. Refill wine glass.
8. When you're ready to get supper on the table, put water on to boil with a dollop of olive oil and a half teaspoon of salt. When the water is boiling, add the noodles of your choice (spags or, my favorite, Farfalle-bowtie pasta). Boil them until they are al dente (not mushy - unless you like them mushy). Test by pulling one out and running cold water on it so you don't burn your mouth. When noodles are ready, pour water off through strainer, making sure get rid of as much water as possible, then either add directly to the pot of sauce, or put in a huge-ass serving bowl and spoon in sauce.

I'm a fan of shredded Parmesan on top, rather than the Kraft caked-powder-with-rennet-in-a-cardboard-can stuff. You can buy it shredded in the deli (or go to Aldi and buy it shredded for way cheaper!). I'm not a fan of Romano cheese, but some like it blended with the Parm.

Mangia!

* Or, she made it with all kinds of Italian meats, which is probably the case. But I still think there was Gramma Magic in there. If you want to use meat in your sauce, let me know and I'll send you some extra directions!

Next episode: Aldi vs. Wegman's!