The Metal Ones

Last night I had a very lucid, frightening dream about robots.

Rod Serling was brainwashed by the robits.

I was visiting an R&D company that insisted the robots would be the best thing that ever happened to humans. I saw them in rows, awaiting activation. These weren't any Will Smith-hating I Robot creeps, or Terminator death machines, or frakkin' Toasters, or even this guy. These were giant, menacing, metal boxy things. And there weren't no vacuum cleaner hose arms, neither.

I'm sure that's a death ray in his head.

I was being guided on a tour, meant to convince me of the goodness of the robots, but I knew better, and I was scared witless. I faked my agreement and went along with the tour, nodding and smiling all the while. Finally we ended up in a giant lecture hall type of room, with a glassed-in office high above looking down. The room was filled with old robots - not the new ones I'd seen lined up awaiting activation. They were all taking a test. We're talking the paper test with the front page that says STOP! Don't open until instructor tells you!

The guide dude asked me to sit and take the same test. All I wanted was to get the hell out of there, but I was curious how this would work. I sat in the front, and there were two humans, college interns, who were cheerfully ready to take their tests. I asked them what they were doing there, and they replied that this was the best internship experience EVar, and they believed in the mission of the company. I thought to myself, "Brainwashed. I don't trust them."

"Robots are our friends! Don't be afraid!"

The exam began, but I didn't open mine. I turned around after a few minutes and found to my horror that some of the robots were slumped over - retired. I looked up at the glassed in room. Up there, I knew, were the Leaders who were wiping out these older model robots. I asked the guy who was my guide if the Leader was taking out these robots, and the guy said proudly, "Oh yes! This is the way we weed out our numbers to make room for the newer, better models."

Greeaaat. I then asked if I could leave; I'd seen everything I'd come to see and I was so grateful for the informative tour. "Of course!" my guide said with a bippy bounce in his step. He walked me down a side aisle to the outer lobby. Once there I was relieved. The sense of dread I'd felt in the lecture hall/testing room was crushing, causing me to panic and almost drop my act. In the lobby I found it easier to smile and act impressed. Then I realized I'd left my purse in the locker back in the lecture hall. I asked the guide if he'd go back and get it for me. I had no desire to re-enter that horrible room. There was a reception lackey, a guy, in the lobby and he asked me if I enjoyed my tour and was I impressed. I of course lied through my teeth and then turned away.

The guide returned with my purse, which I assumed he'd gone through, but I knew there was nothing incriminating in there. I thanked him and walked out into a sort of indoor plaza. Turns out this R&D company owned an entire complex. I kept my cool as I walked toward the exit, thinking to myself that I was sure they were monitoring me.

I finally made it outside into the night air, and kept my cool, still sure they'd be watching me, waiting to find out if I was going to warn the outside world. I knew they'd have me killed in an instant. Probably by robots.

Finally I walked far enough away that I felt I could relax. I headed for the nearest subway, and almost got hit by an errant train. Coincidence?

I have no idea what organization I was supposedly representing, or why I was actually at the robot factory. All I know is that it was frakking scary.

I expect the robots to be unleashed any day now. If I were you, I'd sign up with Old Glory, and fast.