The View Up Here

After returning from my recon mission to L.A., I slid into a definite slump. Feeling scared and alone and unsure of myself. Ithaca's weather didn't help, I guarantee you that. It was overwhelming to return to the life here that I am in the process of closing out, knowing that I still have much to do before I move to L.A. on January 5th. I haven't blogged about this before, but part of this move is about separating from my husband. We've been married for six and a half years, but it's time for both of us to move on. I won't get into specifics and dirty laundry, because I am not into public drama, but I will say that while I am grieving the end of this chapter in my life, I am bursting out of my skin with anticipation for the next chapter. The one I'm creating on my own, rooted in my dreams and my desires. Here's what's amazing about all this: I'm making this very big move, knowing that I might fail, but also knowing that I may succeed beyond my w...

But another sun, that's brighter still, It's my own sun (English translation, O sole mio) The time has come, at last, for me to stop wondering what happened to my hopes and dreams and start living them, by the light of my own sun (so to speak). Thus, toward the end of September, I'll be heading to L.A. (land of sunshine and broken shining dreams) to find a job and work in the industry I've been dying to get into for many years. Is it scary? I'm crapping my pants a little. Is it exciting? I'm still cleaning up the crappy pants, but yes. This is the future I've always been afraid to chase down. I remember very clearly after finishing my MFA in film how I watched many of my colleagues and classmates head out to L.A. That was a few years ago, and most of them have careers they love. Don't get me wrong - I enjoy teaching - but I need to stop hiding behind the podium. I've also recently become reacquainted with aspects of my past self (th...

Stress. A friend of mine and I had a conversation last night about "good" stress vs. "bad" stress vs. "you" stress. We established that this "you" stress is a bunch of bullshit. Stress is either "good" (a job interview, learning how to surf, going to the gym at the end of a long day, starting a new story, etc.) or "bad" (you burn the dinner, your dog is run over, you find someone else's panties in your bed, etc.). I recognize that some events are not bad in and of themselves; rather, how we perceive them and how they impact our subconscious mind are actually what causes the bad stress. Nevertheless, the result is the same. Bad stress makes you sick. It weakens your immune system, it depletes your adrenal system, it causes muscle pain, headaches, lack of sleep, etc. It makes you a Grumpus Maximus. It is bad. That's why it's called bad stress . At work, I've noticed more bad stress amidst our staff due to a c...

I've been working on a new screenplay, and this time I started with a step outline instead of a time-line. The difference is astounding - and I'm finding that this tool more than any other is made for me. The irony here is that all of our advanced screenwriting students at Ithaca College are required to do this as part of their writing process, but I'd never done it myself until now. I'd always eschewed it as a waste of time when I could be writing, but I now know that writing a step outline IS writing. Oh, this is like discovering a new country and planting a flag or something. Appropriately enough, I've found lately that the step by step approach to my entire life is a much easier, stress-free way of setting and meeting goals. I am feeling energized and excited about the momentum this year. In the words of Apolo Anton Ohno, who I've come to admire for his spirit, commitment and positive focus, "No regrets!"